Final Exams have descended upon my head like a drooling pack of vampire pigeons, plumply sapping all life from my cortex.
So I will leave you with piece extracted from a time capsule and sanitized for your protection.
It hails from my other blog at the multi-media powerhouse of mirth know simply as Danger Couch. I believe this will be new for most of you, so please enjoy it thoroughly and I will see on the other side of my educational torture.
Correspondence from the mythical real world
Stephanie R. of Calamine, Kentucky wrote to us recently to praise our prowess at hilarity. She writes, “I love you guys. You always cheer me up when things look bad. Your last episode made me laugh so hard, I swallowed a molar.”
Thank you Stephanie, your comments are generous, yet completely true. We see that you have discovered one of the primary truths of life:
Danger Couch and oral surgery do not mix.
For the record, let us be the first to inform the entire viewing public that there are many other activities that are not well suited for Danger Couch viewing either.
Brain surgery comes to mind.
Please do not cross-wire someone’s lobes just because you were watching the Couch on the heart monitor screen. No one wants to hear on the evening news that the major cause of soaring malpractice insurance rates is three guys in funny outfits. Especially us three guys.
Air traffic control is out of the question, as is bomb defusing.
Pedicure is okay, lawn care is iffy.
Deep sea demolition is not recommended. Nor can we, in good conscience, endorse yak juggling. (This has nothing to do with Danger Couch viewing safety, we just don’t like it)
You can watch Danger Couch on the toilet, but not if you have Irritable Bowel Syndrome. In which case you should concentrate on the matter at hand.
And finally, Spam-canning.
We know that Spam-canning is a dangerous and nauseating job, and you may be desperate for any faint ray of hope to distract you from your hideous occupation, but remember: you cannot afford to lose concentration even for a moment.
One brief instance of inattention is all it takes and wham! Some little girl in Wichita finds your fillings and jewelry in her can of mysterious meat!
Don’t let that be you. Imbibe the Couch in moderation.
Until next time,
-The D.C. Crew