Regular readers of the Ominous Comma have had no lack of stories about reviews. Over the last month or so we have braced for imminent reviews, rejoiced at the absence of reviews, and then having exhausted all other options, finally took possession the long-awaited review results from the volunteer reviewers at Humor-Blog.com.
This is where a mature, well-balanced, and respectable writer, having sensed the expiration of this topic, would wisely find another one to corner and exploit.
Once I achieve that level of wisdom and enlightenment, that’s exactly what I’ll do.
In the meantime, back to the reviews.
Overall the feedback was positive, with most people declaring the Comma to contain some measure of humor and wit. Clearly, my devastating technique of subliminal blogging is working, with even my knowledgeable and experienced humorists peers at Humor-Blogs.com having been taken in by evil scheme.1 That’s right, I am not really funny.2
Under my own power, I write boring posts of loathsome and self-serving blather that would lull even an amphetamine junkie into a coma. The only real clever part of the articles is the way my proprietary Wit-a-Lizer algorithm rearranges the formatting of my posts until the spacing of the words forms subconsciously funny pictures, much like those found in Magic Eye books.
So powerful is this software, that I can monolog my entire nefarious scheme like this, confident that my algorithm will render the whole thing into yet another comic gem.
In fact, let me compile this post right now while I’m thinking about it.
All I have to is click this button and– What’s this?
“Evaluation Period Expired”…. “Must Register to Continue Use.”
(Hyperventilating and panicky noises)
This concludes our guest post by Bob the Vagrant Insurance Adjuster. Sadly, he just wasn’t as funny as advertised.
Please tune in next time, once I’ve fixed my– I mean, once I’m writing my own posts again.
Thank you and goodnight.
The only one not fooled in some measure was my third-grade teacher, who while somehow posing as a judge, described the Comma as a random accumulation of grammatical and spelling errors, not doubt cast off from far worthier blogs, held together by the gravitation forces of bad taste.
Clearly, I should have taken care of her years ago. ↩
- Insecurity Alert. The legal department insists that I inform you that this statement is a joke and that this site is under no circumstances liable for any perceived lack of humor content brought about false revelations of this nature. ↩