Dearest subconscious mind,
I know that we have not always gotten along in the past. I can be, well, a little bossy and you…you have your moments as well. But putting all that aside, I wanted to apologize for my role in certain regrettable events. I’m sure you remember the recent job crisis and how I shut you down and basically locked you out of all daily operations, in a desperate attempt to keep your sense of fun and irreverence from displeasing my master employers.
As it turns out, that was a mistake. Because not only did I lose your quirky insights and creativity, I lost the job as well.
I have a vague sense that there is something ironic about that, but without you to interpret, it’s lost on me.
Anyway, I am deeply, deeply sorry and I welcome you back without condition.
That is, if you care to return.
Sincerely
-the conscious mind
P.S. Even if you won’t do it for me, please come back for the sake of the Comma. The readers seem to genuinely like you and without regular doses of your brilliance, they might turn dangerous.
{ 29 comments… read them below or add one }
Does this mean you have been freed from the salt mine?
John O.
Brent’s subconscious mind,
Hey, I’m Debbie (a big fan of yours and resident Comma cruiser) and I can attest to what your conscious partner is trying to tell you. It is rare that someone’s subconscious receives an apology from their conscious so consider yourself lucky and well loved. Now quit pouting and come back. Oh, and make it quick because your conscious partner is pretty funny on his own.
Brent’s conscious mind,
You didn’t like that job anyway. Good riddance.
I am proud of you for easing up on your subconscious.
Now that you have kissed and made up I’m sure the OC humor factory will be in full swing.
(I’m not the dangerous fan you speak of am I? Ok, I do get a little grouchy without my OC comedy fix…I’ll work on that…)
John O,
Yes, I have been emancipated. I am currently looking for a position as a personal humor trainer. If you know any wealthy but humorless individuals be sure to put in a good word for me.
Debbie,
Thank you for continued support. (And lattes.) I am hoping to get the Comma back into gear soon, and perhaps score a grant from the National Endowment for Humor Resources ofAmerica.
For the most part, I’ve found “work” to be overrated.
It seems that if you show up today and do a good job, the same will be expected from you tomorrow. (who can keep that up?)
It is just like treating your wife “kindly”, Sure you can do for a day or two, but what happens when that becomes an entitlement? You are only setting the poor girl up for a major disappointment.
John O.
Try to find a job working for one of the presidential candidates–they need to lighten up or smarten up or something — they need to do something!
Tap your right foot.
Now Simon says: turn around
I just wanted to see what that looked like.
I have the same problem all the time.
Brent,
The job search sucks these days. Trust me, I’m hanging gutters until the good jobs finally recognize my untapped brilliance. Start a cult instead, its less frustrating, the tax breaks are better and you will be much happier. I think Debbie might be your first convert. All you’ll need to lure her in is a large quantity of chocolate. Actually, it might only take a truffle or two.
Stay away from the red juice.
Chris,
I could use some new gutters on my home. Do you have a price sheet?
What untapped brilliance?
P.S. You make me sound like a Manson follower…
P.S. I’m allergic to chocolate. All it would take is more good-ol-fashion humor.
Flash a big bowl of red or green jello and I’m gone (intense jell-o phobia)!
So Brent if you end up starting a cult let me know.
Good girl Sally.
Debbie, aren’t you coming?
Sally, I think we are already there…
(Chris is a member…he just does not know it yet)
Anything special we get with the membership?
A special, glossy, autographed photo of Doctor T. with a personalized caption.
Mine reads, “Now get out!”
He makes my 4 year old freak when she sees his picture. I don’t think this is going to work out, cancel my membership.
Has everyone else left for the holiday weekend, are we here by ourselves?
Sally, I do not think you can cancel a cult membership…you just kind of disappear…
And yes we are the only nerds (and I say that with the utmost respect) left.
Have a good weekend Debbie and any other nerds left. See ya.
You as well Sally.
I want some of what Sally and Debbie are on!
Well, we know it isn’t red or green jello…
Maybe purple?
Brent,
Congratulations on your promotion!
I’ll make a mental note to myself to not piss off my subconscious mind.
Thanks! lol