Back in the Saddle

Back by a surging wave of public demand, Doctor Harold Toboggans has returned from his Tibetan tour and is ready to set minds at ease and heart ablaze with his overshadowing endowment of wisdom and tact.

Actually not so much of that last part.

But he’s brilliant and dedicated and now back in the county, inspiring sighs of relief from the dysfunctional masses longing for a single insight from the master analyst.

All major credit cards are accepted, as well food stamps and frequent flyer miles.

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29 Responses to Back in the Saddle

  1. Debbie says:

    I’m here for my 3 o’clock. Oh, I’m early…must be a little nervous.

    Hopefully, Lynn is on her way (don’t make me face the good Dr. on my own)

  2. Debbie says:

    Am I supposed to be in this cold, dark, locked room all by myself? Hello? Anyone? (Is this Guantanamo Bay therapy?)

    Mommie?

  3. Lynn says:

    Debbie,
    I am so sorry, I forgot to tell you that the Dr. had an earlier opening and I jumped on it. I hope that your session was as productive as mine!

  4. Debbie says:

    Actually, my session did go quite well. The atmosphere I was subjected to was a necessary meditative measure well known in Tibetan culture. I was also given a guide book authored by the Dalai Lama himself entitled, “The Sheltering Tree of Interdependence.” I’m so enlightened I can hardly stand myself.

  5. Well, Well. I was wondering how this would turn out. Might I take a moment to remind you all of that famous dictum heralded in the textbooks of the latest psychoanalytic pedagogies:
    “Formal humor training for therapists is proposed as an elective part of their academic curriculum. The paucity of rigorous empirical research on the effectiveness of this historically controversial form of clinical intervention is exceeded only by the absence of any training for those practitioners interested in applying humor techniques.”
    The good “Dr.” here needs to defend his methods based upon these latest theories. Or admit to the absence of training in the application of humor techniques.

  6. Brent says:

    I believe that the doctor elected to be absent on humor training day.

    Just as was on Humility day and Couch-Side Manor day.

    Actually, considering his chronic absenteeism, it is a wonder he even graduated.

    Come to think of it, I don’t recall ever seeing a diploma anywhere in his office.

    Hmmmmm.

  7. Lynn says:

    I don’t care what classes he went to. You can’t argue with results!

  8. Actually what Lynn says is correct. You can’t argue with results.

    Consider weight loss programs what they don’t like to admit – indeed thier dirty little secret is that it only takes an hour and a half of Television watching to burn off one Bud Lite – but nearly two hours to burn off a banana. They hook you on the fruit and then make you do extra excercise to keep slim – those #@$%@#$! I would advise people to stay off fruits unless they are planning to do some major excercise.

    Look around you – we still have people who are just average sized in America. You can’t argue with results.

  9. Debbie says:

    Funny you should mention humor therapy Lord Farnsworth (I feel like I should courtesy). Dr. T needs no formal training; he’s just kind of a natural, so subtle in his application that even feudal superiors, such as you, have difficulty pinpointing his application.

    Proven by the cognitive response theory of persuasion, Dr. T can predict that humor will increase the persuasiveness of a message if the humor distracts the patient from thinking about the holes in the message’s argument.

    In essence, the Doctor is full of crap, but so charming we don’t care.

  10. My Dear Ms Debbie,

    Thank you for this clarification. Does the great “Dr.” T ever comment here? If so I might suggest directly to him that – contrary to my earlier post – he eat more fruit. This would assure that he would be less “full of crap” while retaining his charm (albeit, whilst repeatedly stepping into the other room for a bit).

    We can’t argue with results.

    With utter sincerity,

    E. L. Farnsworth, Grand Duke of Margrave, Earl, Count, and Viscount of Graft, Pope of
    Westhill, Other Ruling Titles.

  11. Debbie says:

    Excellent! We have an Aristocrat in our midst. (Always interested in the noble opinion of a high born.)

    My Good Bishop,

    Unfortunately, Dr. Toboggan does not have much time for the masses. Sir Brent is his formal interpreter. I’m sure Brent would be happy to schedule you an appointment. Promise me though you will quell the instinct to offer His Greatness any type of forbidden fruit.

  12. Brent says:

    Unfortunately, Doctor Toboggans is far too busy to visit this humble forum. All we get are the scraps of his genius, for which we should be grateful.

  13. Debbie says:

    Grand Duke of Margrave (I get an assortment of titles to choose from so this is going to be fun), looks like we are on our own. Unless you can think of any appropriate powers of persuasion, we will never comment directly with His Greatness. Moment of silence please………

  14. Well then!!! I shall challenge “Dr.” T to a duel!! I demand satisfaction!! Crossbows and bourbon at 20 paces! Forbidden fruit at 30!

    Defend your honor “Dr.” T.

    E.L.F.
    Viscount of Graft

  15. Eddy Farnum says:

    Farnsworth,
    Back off! I will have you roasted over a slow fire.

    Eddy Farnum,
    Wal Mart Beer Expert

  16. Brent says:

    Gentlemen, I must step in. For the good of the world Dr. Toboggans must be protected. He is currently safe in one of his many undisclosed locations, and “Eddie,” one of his patients, stands ready to duel in his stead.

    I know that must sound…less than brave, but we simply cannot squander a national resource like the doctor.

  17. Lynn says:

    Oh, thank God. I was a little worried (ok I was scared to death) that the good Dr. might be injured. It is incredibly marvelous that he has someone as valient Eddie to play his second. It shows the incredible genius of the master yet again that he has one of his patients so completely brainwashed as to stand in his stead. What a man!

  18. Eddy Farnum says:

    Is it me Eddy Larry or do you have another “Eddie” to take on this aristocratic fop?

    Farnsworth tried to get me and my sister/cousin Jolee May thrown out of the family trailer. He’s not good neighbors – thats for sure.

    I wonder if Dr. Tobbugn could hlep me and my Jolee May? We tried that televeision guy – what’s his name – oh yeah Springer. He got us tv and all but the group therapy was real rude and they all yelled at us.

    Jolee May don’t want any more of that.

  19. Farnum!! I still have a restraining order out against you! How did you find me here? You need to tell the folks that your “trailer” was smashed against the front door of my vacation cottage. But you would not leave. (Threw WalMart beer at me when I requested he do so)

    http://www.orlandosentinel.com/media/photo/2004-08/13825200.jpg

    I wthdraw my offer to duel with the good Dr. Toboggans. Treating you Farnum, and your Jolee May, will be the same as a crossbow spike to the heart. This will certainly test his mettle. And his sense of humor.

    Good day to you Farnum and may we never meet again.

    It all goes to you now Toboggans!

    E. L. Farnsworth, Grand Duke of Margrave, Earl, Count, and Viscount of Graft, Pope of Westhill, Other Ruling Titles.

  20. Debbie says:

    Wish I had two men fighting over me like the good Dr.

  21. Sarah says:

    Eddie Larry!! You back with that no good Jolee May!! You think you got troubles now? Saw you on Springer and they was too kind. Too kind.

    I want to talk to this guy Toboggans about YOU too. By the way, that’s my trailer you stole isn’t it?

    Farnsworth I am sorry, Debbie – you don’t want one of these guys fightin anywhere near you, – Eddie Larry Farnum is just bad news – Toboggans work your magic.

  22. Brent says:

    If you are tuning in late, ladies and gentlemen, I would like to welcome you to the official day time drama of the Ominous Comma, Daze of our Lies.

    The program is already in progress, so please quietly take your seats and make sure your safety belts are securely fastened.

  23. Magee says:

    Brent,
    I am so sorry. It appears some of the “stalkers in my head” have joined the party here. Perhaps I can coax them to go away – or just fight over Debbie?

    Anyway, it is sad when folks go off like this. Please extend my apologies to Tobbagans. I am certain he will work his own sort of exorcism on these sad folks.

    Will my warmest regards,
    Magee

  24. Brent says:

    Actually, this is the most fun the comments have ever had. I am quite pleased with the community of like-minded/absent-minded/disturbed-minded individuals that has spring up around here lately. It makes me feel right at home.

    If this keeps up, I will have to open slots for guest writers.

    Any blog stalkers out there who wish to join in the freeforall are more than welcome to dip their keyboards into the rising tide of madness that is the Comma. This is the internet, there is room for all.

    Happy Saturday

  25. Sarah says:

    “Stalkers in your head”!!! You should be so lucky Magee!

    I blame you for enabling Eddie Larry. You are why the world turns to these Springer/Toboggans guys. Why don’t YOU get a restraining order out on EL? Big professor can’t get involved? Gave me a stupid “0″ didn’t you?

    Even after I gave all five reasons why Carter dropped the bomb on Hiroshima – thought I wasn’t listening didn’t you? Ha!! fooled you. Stupid college anyway.

    Debbie – don’t waste your time on this guy either! Just a bunch of blah blah blah.

    Sarah

  26. Debbie says:

    You can never waste time on men. Plus, I seem to have an affinity for goofy men with large imaginations. (I mean that in the most innocent way possible)

    Sarah, I must admit, you would be correct in your assumption of how difficult it would be for a woman to find something in common with a WalMart Beer Expert with an open invitation to the Springer show.

  27. Lynn says:

    Sarah,
    I found the perfect man for you.

  28. Brent says:

    Actually, I have a previous engagement.

  29. Lynn says:

    Brent,
    You have been playing Dr. T’s tapes again haven’t you? I doubt that you would qualify for Sarah.