I am always amused when large, consumer-dependent companies tell me to leave behind the herd mentality that keeps them in business:
Statements like this one help me to keep my irony processing system fit and free from obstruction.
I can almost hear the marketing executives chuckle as they escort their fleet of cash-ladden dump trucks to the bank:
“Don’t smoke the same toxic, lung-plugging crap as all your other nicotine friends. Be original – buy the ones with our brand stamped on them.”
Some dedicated research team needs to conduct a study upon the infinite gullibly of consumers, I really think it has potential as alternative energy source.
While they’re at it, they should investigate why this particular brand of cigarette seems to cause a painful-looking swelling of the hair.
Perhaps this specific blend of tobacco activates an “originality” gene in the smoker’s DNA. One that causes the follicles to grow markedly more expressive and uniquely individual.
Just like Bob Dylan:
and like Cream:
and the Romantics:
Not to mention the drummer from Danger Couch:
The moral of the story, is of course, that nothing makes you more completely and uniquely yourself then doing exactly what millions of other people are doing. And if you can support a poor, overworked multi-billion dollar corporation while you’re at it, so much the better.
Be original, be very original.
SURGEON GENERALS WARNING: Smoking this or any brand of tobacco does not increase musical ability, creativity, or life span. Never apply hair styling products while smoking unless you desire your hair to go up in a ball of flames. On the other hand the Hindenburg look works well for some people.
STYLIST GENERAL’S WARNING: Bad hair does not produce talent, genius, or artistic creditability. It may, however, cause traffic accidents and possibly contribute to global warming.