In one of my favorite movies, Elf, Will Ferrell, stumbles upon a restaurant with a prominent sign, advertising the World’s Greatest Cup of Coffee. In an equally film-worthy accomplishment, I have discovered this sign: The Best Value Inn.
This sign cries out to be loved as it boldly stretches the expressive limits of the English language. It is not so much an advertisement as an exercise in obscurity. Does it refer to the best of all possible value inns, a destination long sought by broke and weary philosophers? Does it claim to offer the absolute maximum utility of all roadside accommodations? Or is it perhaps some sort of motel outlet, offering overstock rooms and irregular sleep?
How can you argue with The Checkmark of Quality?
After my painstaking research, in the form of re-reading this sign several times, I have come to the inescapable conclusion that whatever this statement means, it is absolutely true. After all, how can you argue with The Checkmark of Quality? Who could possibly lie about something as fundamental as The Check?
In stark contrast to the bold and boastful claims of their advertisement, the management of this fine establishment is actually quite modest. In fact, while I was photographing this billboard, a woman who I can only assume to be an employee of the motel, came out and emphatically encouraged me to stop. Talk about shy.
She told me adamantly, in no uncertain terms, (an impressive accomplishment considering her broken English) that I could not take pictures of the sign.
…Who could possibly lie about something as fundamental as The Check?
As I walked away, I wondered how that could be true. Was there a new city ordinance protecting motel signs? Could it be a previously undisclosed stipulation of the Patriot Act? Perhaps there was a newly discovered law of physics in operation near the motel that denied photons entrance to my camera?
Or maybe she was waxing philosophical. Could she mean that once I photographed her sign, then it no longer belonged exclusively to her, but transferred a sense of ownership to everyone who would see the picture? Or maybe my reputation as satirist and mocker of billboards had preceded me. Perhaps there was a branch of Motel Owners Against Billboard Paparazzi nearby that had circulated my picture with strict orders to accost me on sight.
Or could it be a hypnotic suggestion? What if somehow unknown to me, her statement had paralyzed my shutter finger? Or given me a photography induced phobia?
Having mused myself into a frenzy, I turned and snapped a few picture from the safety of a near by bus station, only to discover a new possibility:
Maybe she was just plain wrong.
{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }
Are you equating yourself with Will Ferrell?
In my opinion, Best Value Inn would only live up to its sign if it offered free Will Ferrell movies 24/7. (Or Owen Wilson movies…my personal favorite)
Ok, throw in the entire Star Wars trilogy and the Checkmark of Quality would not be just a pretentious gimmick.
What about hot and cold running Pepto Bismol?
Huh?
Yeah, but what if it means “Best Value Inn…in what? Cherry cough syrup or bed sheets or just what do they have the best value in? For me, your fave movie being Elf has just made me suspicious of your motives…
I’m about to take some serious migrane medication. I’ll check back with everyone in the a.m.
that’s migraine for those of you that CAN spell.
Irregular sleep means they pass the savings onto you and me!
Debbie,
I am so sorry to hear about your migraine. I also suffer from time to time and I completely understand you not being able to spell at that point. We do not hold it against you in any way.
Brent,
Your reputation preceded you.
A strong reputation is like a group of secret service agents, it goes before you clearing the way, frisking and basically annoying everyone in the areas.
Sher,
If you act now on this limited offer for Irregular Sleep, we’ll throw in this matching set of under-eye bags for free.
118.99 The Police department is hereby authorized to seize or immobilize any person(s) using electronic equipment to capture in image any accomodation sign baring a check mark symbol as described in section 117.99. If however, therefore, hitherfore, said electronic user captured said image after residence in said accomodation for a minimum of 3 hours said image capturer could be allowed to capture said image only for the sole purpose of scrapbooking memories and can under no circumstances sell said image. Therefore said, hitherfore, more in the forth night.
Verily, thou hast hitteth thine nail upon its head-like-thingy.
Thanks Lynn! I’m back in the land of the living!
Good to hear from you, I was a bit worried.
BTW it has been proven in scientifical studies that migraines are caused by the increased cranial pressure brought about by romance films.
You don’t even have to watch them, just their presence in your general vicinity can trigger an outbreak.
Really.
Great, I’m doomed.
Romance films seem to find me even when I’m not looking for them.
I suppose that Dr. T told you that. Debbie, don’t listen to Brent on this point. It is actually the loud crashing and exploding noises of action films that causes migraines. I think that Brent just does not like romance films so he is trying to intimate that they are the cause.
Not only do I intimate, I have also been known to inhalate, incubate, and occasionally to innervate.
Let’s just test Brent’s theory:
Netflix (portal) + Casablanca (mother of all romance films) = Migraine (result)
Try this innervation Brent. I do have some serious migraine medication when you get to the incubation point.
I think he should try it with The Sound of Music! The hilllssssss are alive with the sound of musicccccc awww aww a awwww!