Brent Replacement Therapy – A Guest Post

And now a message from the CEO of DONCO Inc.
(DONCO: Quality Frivolity at Warehouse Prices)

My apologies for this interruption. I realize that you have arrived here at the.um…(flip, flip) Ominous Comma website feverishly hoping that your visit would bring a little desperately needed levity to your otherwise odious and ultimately inconsequential lives. Naturally, we at DONCO care about you, the Jocularity End-User. That is why I have taken the time out of my inordinately busy and extremely important schedule to inform you of the exciting changes that are coming soon to the Opulent Comma. Most of you were probably unaware that approximately eight months ago, DONCO Inc., as a part of our Diversification and World Domination Program, purchased the rights to the Ominous Karma. You will be pleased to know that Brent…um.(flip).Diggs was generously compensated for the rights to the Anonymous Condom, and has now retired to Mississippi with his family. I understand he has purchased a boat with the proceeds of the sale.

Naturally, despite the change in ownership, blog continuity is important. Our studies show that humor blog readers are inherently suspicious and resistant to change, even change provided by the paternalistic hand of their betters. Thus, we initially considered various actors to take Brent’s place:

, However, issues of salary, creative control, and (frankly) moral turpitude, caused us to rely instead on animatronics. As my time is immeasurably more valuable than yours, I’ve prepared an FAQ to explain the many new features that will soon be available on the Omelet Condiment.That reminds me. We are also considering changing the name of this blog to “The OC.” This will improve the bottom line with regards to pay-by-word advertising as well as gaining a name recognition tie-in with a popular television serial. Should you find that you have any further questions, you may direct them to the DONCO website. Naturally, we will ignore them strenuously.

FAQ

SO, THAT WASN’T THE REAL BRENT IN THOSE VIDEOS THAT WERE RECENTLY POSTED HERE?

So far there have been four different Brent animatrons developed for The OC.BrentA and BrentB were early prototypes. After being rigorously tested to destruction by repeated exposure to Danger Couch videos, they were crushed and turned into a paper weight for the CEO of DONCO.

BrentC, while superior to the previous models, began to develop a troublesome sense of self-worth and was eventually sold to Wally’s Alligator World in Tickahatchee, Florida, where he can now headlines in the Wally Wall of Presidents.

BrentD, the most recent model and the one used in the recent videos, has preformed admirably for the past six months – until certain disquieting incidents suggested that he was developing a conscience (for evidence of this failure see here ). It was therefore decided that a new model, BrentE would need to be prepped for deployment. Our crack animatronics experts are working on this model presently.

IS DR. TOBOGGANS AN ANIMATRONIC CHARACTER AS WELL?

No. On the contrary, Dr. Toboggans is quite real, and we at DONCO are quite pleased that he has agreed to stay on as a consultant. He is presently conducting extensive psychological evaluations of the employees at DONCO Inc. Utilizing his own patented organ needles as primary research tools, he has also been attempting to determine the cause of a precipitate drop in morale within our HR Department.

THIS IS SO EXCITING, I MAY HAVE WET MYSELF. WHEN CAN WE EXPECT THE NEW AND IMPROVED OC TO BE OPERATIONAL?

Programing of the BrentE model is presently underway. Naturally, this will take some time. Just up-loading all potential permutations of knock-knock jokes is a daunting task.

Additionally any fleeting and random bits of self-respect must be ruthlessly hunted down and eradicated.But have no fear, the Opiate Coma will continue to be hosted by BrentD until the new model has completed all necessary programing and tests. Meanwhile we ask for your patience. Should you notice any abnormal behavior; excessive self-pity, rambling diatribes, or videos containing children, please click the reset button here.Thank you. You may now return to your plebeian lives.Don Lewis
CEO DONCO, Inc.

Tagged as: Don Lewis, guest post, humor