Here’s a little something I’ve been working up for DangerCouch fans or anyone who enjoys less-than-serious Christmas music:  the 9+1 Songs of Christmas.

Here for your watching/listening/giggling pleasure are 8 songs (9 tomorrow) and 1 poem from 2006 Christmas concert. It’s a playlist, so feel free to just click on it and YouTube will do the rest.

Some songs are regular Christmas carols, some are extra-crispy. Enjoy them all.

More info on DangerCouch here.

I don’t want to write right now.

And of all the many things I don’t want to write at this moment, I think what I most not want to write is this sentence right here.

I hate this sentence.

Everything about it.

Its length, its wording, that fact that it’s coming from my keyboard.

I despise it all.

And if there is anything on this entire planet that I hate more that that sentence up there, I think it must be this one right here.

Because the only thing worse than a despicable series of phrases, is a second one, drawing attention to the first.

In fact, it wouldn’t be too much to say that this entire article is fully loathsome from beginning to end.

So much so, I can’t believe I am still writing it.

But on I go, in a senseless display of literary self-torment.

I don’t do this merely because I am a sick and twisted individual, addicted to my own pain.

No it’s worse than that.

I do it because I practice a very specific type of masochism, known simply as Writing, and with this particular disorder the only thing worse than to indulge in it, is not to.

Don’t feel sorry for me, I have enough self-pity for us all.

That is all.

For today.

Every so often I like to pause the slow creaking machinery of this publication in order to answer certain burning hypothetical questions which, at least theoretically, could be troubling the minds of readers everywhere.

Here we go…

Yes, I’m still alive.

No, I haven’t been writing here very often.

Yes, I still love you.

No, you can’t move in.

Yes , I’m still busy fixing this site, promoting the Mind Over Memphis videos, and doing all the things I whined about here.

No, I didn’t run out of ideas.

Yes, time and energy are in short supply lately.

42¹

Yes, the Hot Comma Momma is still hot.

No, I will not issue a comment on those awkward burns.

Yes, Little Miss Ominous and her new husband are doing well.

No, I don’t have a counter-point to that statement.

Yes, it’s been a crazy busy year.

No, it’s not over yet.

Happy Monday

I have for you today my latest video in the What Brent Says series. I had originally titled it “You Look Too Good,” but my old associate Herman Fording hooked me up with a more sensational headline.

So with no further ado allow me to present:

Evil Corporation Steals my Hot Wife

Click here to view the embedded video.

Being a free country and all you have the joyous opportunity to watch Evil Corporation Steals my Hot Wife over and over again, as many times as you like. You also have the privilege of rating it and leaving outraged and highly opinionated comments upon YouTube itself.

It’s just another thing that makes America so great.

Go ahead, you know you want to.

Stand by for an important holiday announcement

Happy Fourth of July from everyone here at The Ominous Comma

Be safe

Back in the deep dark days of my childhood, before satellite, cable, or DVDs, back when even the VCR was just a gleam in some engineer’s eye, to be a science fiction fan was to be a Star Trek fan.

And for good reason.

The original Star Trek was a thing of beauty, so loaded with adventure, romance, and courage under fire, that young viewers never realized it was really an exercise in philosophy, exploring the violence, racism, and social conflict of its times.

But as deep and exciting as its storytelling often was, I think the real strength of the series was in what it didn’t tell. Unlike its successors, classic Trek usually resisted the temptation to over-explain.

As a viewer, you were always left wanting more. Wondering how transporters really worked, what powered an android, and what all those other little buttons on the console went to.

Unfortunately, starting with The Next Generation, the Star Trek franchise started shedding the adventure and wonder of its heritage and began a relentless journey deeper and deeper into its own head.

Where mystery once flirted, exposition now abounded. Every action got saddled with what seemed like hours of pseudo-scientific technobabble, to the point where roughly 25% of all available screen time got dedicated to the theoretical science behind any current crisis.

You couldn’t get fifteen minutes into an episode or feature film without one of Star Fleet’s finest saying something like,

“Maybe if we triggered a graviton pulse inversion with a double pike and served it with a side order of chronoton fluxuation in the aft sensor array, we could eventually find some action or at least return to speaking English sometime before the credits roll.”

Which brings me to my point.

Despite my earlier doubts and suspicions to the contrary, the new Star Trek movie officially rocks.

The action is back, the passion is back, and the wonder is at full strength.

This film takes the characters that we’ve loved for years, pays proper respect to their origins and motivations, and then breaks them free of the accumulated baggage and “fate” (i.e the accepted storylines of the Star Trek cannon) launching them into new and uncharted adventures.

This film has left me seriously stoked.

Final rating: Two thumbs on phasers set to “amaze.”

The last film Brent mentioned in these pages did not do so well. Check out this fair and balanced review of the most hideous waste of film ever spawned: Dragon Wars.

We’ve had a good turnout for the caption contest with submissions fairly flying from the fingers of frustrated cartoonists, former Hallmark employees, and unemployed OSHA inspectors everywhere. So with a minimum of fanfare I will now introduce the finalists for your consideration.

“A safety banner and a single piece of lumber are the only reminders of Arnie’s bachelor party and the limbo game that took three lives.” -by Wonderboy.

“The irony is that seven different people all suffered terrible injuries in trying to erect that sign.” -by Lord Likely

“Budget cuts had hit the Acme Stairs Company hard.” -by Wolf

“If no one sees me, it is!” – by Muskrat

“If not, let me get my camera.” -by Chris non-C

Now cast your votes with vigor for your favorite caption. Polls will close Thursday at midnight with the winner to be announced this upcoming weekend, just in time to bask in the glory and admiration of his/her peers or possibly in a shower of rotten fruit from the envious masses.

Such are the risks of greatness.

Happy Saturday.

Hello Friends. I’m still getting caught up from all the zombie stuff and working on some exciting news I’m not ready to share just yet, so I thought I would throw a Caption Contest, my first since my graduation about a year ago.

The rules are simple: enter your best line in the comment box, as many separate entries as you like, and the Hot Comma Momma will pick out several finalists for us all to vote on next week.

I know this is normally Diesel’s gig but he is gracious enough to let me borrow it from time to time as long as it’s fueled up and vacuumed out when I bring it back.

Get cracking. And be sure to wait by the feedreader for my soon-to-be-released urgent announcement of great joy.

Reports have been flooding in regarding Doctor Harold Toboggans’ appearance last night at the Memphis Zombie Massacre. Against all my fondest hope and sincerest wishes, the Doctor was not eaten, beaten, or even maimed by the undead hordes but instead seamed to find some common ground with those desperate souls.

Probably the thirst for blood, I’m guessing.

Although I have not run across his unpleasant presence here at the house, I know he must have been somewhere near because I’ve found what can only be a page from his diary.

Despite my better judgment and the real possibility of corrupting minors, I have posted it here for you to read:

Poor zombies, they never saw it coming.

I found some more pictures and a video of the doctor’s exploits on my Flickr account. I don’t know how they got there but you should see them for yourself.

Also, you can see this program he is pitching at Zombies Anonymous.

Watch for further updates here and on the Doctor’s facebook page.

—update—

The Doctor weighs in with his opinion of the event over at
The adventures of Doctor Harold Toboggans.

Photo credit JLR Photography

Dear Blog,

I still love you, I have just been very busy with my other…well, real life.

I’m sure it’s just a phase and soon I’ll be back and we’ll have just as much fun as ever.

Unless of course, we don’t…or I don’t…or the internet evolves into a sentient copper-and-optic based lifeform and imprisons all of mankind into an interactive virtual reality show of forced brain cell atrophy.

Which might leave you posting me.

Did I mention my great love for you?