Sometimes incredible just isn’t good enough.
Last May, when the revolutionary Zombies Anonymous program was introduced, it was met with rave reviews and hundreds of overjoyed customers.
But Doctor Harold Toboggans wasn’t satisfied.
He knew that there must be something more, something that he and the dedicated staff at Toboggans Industries could do to relieve those reanimated wretches from their undead suffering and unspent cash.
He thought deeply
He released directives and commissioned programs.
He reorganized the corporation, refinanced the lab, and refolded his socks.
And then, after nearly a full day of grueling research and untold minutes of clinical trials, Doctor Toboggans introduced Cerebitol AZ – the ultimate topical application anti-zombitory patch.
Cerebitol AZ – Anti Zombie Patch
Made from synthetic neurotransmitters and genuine cranial extracts, Cerebitol AZ offers unprecedented 12 hour freedom from the symptoms of zombieism.
With Cerebitol AZ you can:
- Control your craving for brains
- Cut down on between meal snacking
- Gain relief from the discomfort of Chronic Deceased Syndrome
Don’t believe it? We don’t blame you, but see for yourself as Doctor Toboggans demonstrates Cerebitol AZ on the undead citizens of Memphis.
With the combined power of Cerebitol AZ and Zombies Anonymous, not to mention the limitless genius of Doctor Harold Toboggans, you can at last leave your lurching lust for human tissue behind.
Only from Toboggans Industries – Life Improvement for the Success Deficient.
{ 25 comments… read them below or add one }
Where were you a month ago! I’m now surrounded by hordes of marauding zombies and… aaaahhhhhhhh!
Never mind, I’m happy now.
Sorry I didn’t get to you in time, but there’s always Zombies Anonymous.
But you failed to mention the side effects. There’s always side effects. I suffer from Chronic Deceased Syndrome. In fact, zzzzzzzzzz.
Tragic. The worst part about loosing life-signs at the computer is the little square key marks impressed on your face for days afterward.
The only side-effect is Sudden Onset Finance Anemia, but that is to be expected from Doctor T.
Dr. T, your suit looks great and your mustache even better!
I don’t know about that, I get the feeling that somewhere there is a de-upholstered sofa and possibly a freshly plucked broom to show for this outfit.
My dear Chunks, you are as observant as you are need of my care…which is to say considerably.
Pay no mind to my former patient, he tends to run on a bit.
This is fodder for boingboing!
Thanks. They, however, don’t seem to agree.
I do wonder about the side effects… I don’t want to end up with like, herpes or gangrene. My cravings are making my neighbours suspicious!
Taken from the package: “Do not ingest human tissue while taking Cerebitol – you will burst into flames.”
Now is a great time to quit chewing your nails, I’d say.
lol Great Video!!
Where did you find all those ’stand ins’ willing to do that?
BTW – I know a few people who could benefit from such a patch.
~ZZ
On the streets of Memphis the living dead are never hard to come by, but supply often exceeds demand around the end of April.
The Doctor simply created a new demand for undead consumers.
AND… I just *Had* to hear the crazy little man sing again! HA!
That is what he’s there for. Slaving away like an unpaid oompa loompa for the entertainment of all who pass by.
You didn’t tell them about the 295 low low payments of $19.05. What do I pay you for?
Forget about the crazy little man. I happen to know that the good Doctor can sing…loud and rude just like he’s conducting a session. I’d pay to see Dr. T and the Zombies do a little rockfest!
My presumptuous punctuation, I have never, nor will I ever, sing with the undead. The ungainly swaying, the arrhythmic loss of random limbs, the unbelievable halitosis all culminate in a most unpleasant experience.
They’re not often on key either.
Dr. Toboggans,
Chronic Halitosis aside, it might be kinda neat
to sing with The Grateful Undead.
:)
~ZZ
(Shudder)
I believe I’m your precious presumptuous punctuation, and I agree with the beautiful Greeneyezz…
Clearly, more therapy is called for here…
Am I to assume a rate hike as well?
Oh and please no more “pull my finger” therapy…I’m really not sure that is an acceptable cognitive-behavioral form of healing.
As quaint as it is for you to attempt to hold your own opinions you simply aren’t qualified to doubt me.
Ouch, the vainglorious Doctor strikes again…
(I just like being childish Doc because it gets on your nerves)