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Having used the dark and damp confines of this site to cultivate huge crops of blatant ridiculousity, I had assumed that everyone was aware that what passes for information around here is to be used strictly for entertainment purposes only. Allow me to state for the record, and for any humor-policing agencies that may be monitoring this publication, that I had no idea that anyone was taking this stuff literally. However, while trolling through the webosphere I have discovered several accounts of misguided individuals who appear to be doing just that. So as a service to my readers, and a condition of my parole, I will now attempt to show you exactly what not to do.

First, unless you are dealing with muggers, politicians, or others elements that operate outside respectable society, please refrain from flinging poo. People seem to a take a dim view of random turd-lobbing, even if you have a high-risk profession like school principal.

Secondly, the marketing, financing, and acquisition of nations is strictly the province of large corporations. Private individuals have no business selling their country. According to international treaty, non-incorporated entities such as human beings are not allowed to market anything more substantial than their souls. Even if it borders Luxembourg.

Finally, frequent commentor Chris non-C has left many cryptic statements referencing a mysterious species of animal that he call the Tea Cup Moose. Following the advice of Doctor Herald Toboggans, and other experts on/with unstable personalities, I decided to humor Chris, on the off-chance that he was violent and/or a Humor-blogs inspector. After all, what would a self respecting animal such as a moose be doing in a teacup?

Chris, I am sorry to have doubted you.

I can’t go into detail here on this unsecured page, but let’s just say that it looks like the Russians have been making strategic advances in non-dairy creamer technology.

In conclusion, let me assure the readers of this fine publication that although I am a highly respected authority in the field of untested theories and unsubstantiated claims, I cannot state strongly enough that what happens hypothetically, stays hypothetical. As much as I care for each and every one of you, I cannot be held personally responsible for any injuries, litigation, or hair loss resulting from the application of “information” found at this site to your actual existence.

Happy Friday.

Don’t face another weekend alone. Send for your copy of the Danger Couch DVD right stinkin’ now.

This post is theoretically listed among sources deep inside the humor-blogs.com organization.