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Therapist, eyesore, and my own personal nightmare Doctor Harold Toboggans is threatening the Cooper Young Festival with his presence this year, according to sources with the misfortune of being close to him.

Insiders deep within the squalid confines of Toboggans Industries, say that the Doctor is intent on “curing” the estimated eighty-five thousand people expected to attend the festival from some new mental scourge that he won’t describe.

Like a James Bond villain, he even monologued about it at some depth on his tacky new site mindovermemphis.org.

My advice: run.