I was honored recently by a visit from Sher the humorwriter, who kindly assaulted me in a joyous hit-and-run commenting.
A humorist of the female persuasion, well acquainted with the institution of marriage, Sher graciously volunteered her expertise upon the unsuspecting topic of honey-do lists.
As a husband of some experience, I am no stranger to nag-lists and had not long ago offered my own viewpoint regarding a very specific list bestowed upon me by the lovely and thoughtful Hot Comma Momma.
It was that video confession that drew the charming yet chilling wrath of the Sherinator, who proceeded to question my lack of appreciation for fruit and the fine art of feminine communication.
She basically compared me to Jeffrey Dahmer.
To be accurate, she didn’t actually draw any parallels herself, but instead challenged me to do my own comparison.
This is precisely what I love about Sher. Although she would never dream of equating me with a murderous cannibal directly, she thinks nothing of laying down the gauntlet and allowing me to research and construct my own painstaking defamation.
Not one to ignore such an invitation, I have risen to the challenge of my first ever Assemble Your Own Insult, and below you will find a list of the vast differences and chilling similarities between myself and the infamous psychopath:
Dahmer: Grew up in Ohio.
Me: Have yet to grow up.
Dahmer: Murder left him with lots of blood on his hands.
Me: Unemployment has left me with lots of time on mine.
Dahmer: Pronounced cured by Doctor Toboggans.
Me: Still have money left to be extorted.
Dahmer: Enjoyed homicide.
Me: Enjoy homonyms.
Dahmer: Favorite Song – “Every Time You Go Away You Take a Piece of Me With You.” as covered by Paul Young.
Me: Prefer the Original by Daryl Hall.
So, although I share this site with several dysfunctional personalities,1 I myself bear little similarity to any such Person of Advanced Unpleasantness. I am merely an average man, asserting my independence and masculinity in the castle-like dominion of my own home.
Now if you will excuse me, I must get back to the list. I still have a few termites to round up.
This site is on the list at humor-blogs.com, right between waxing the shrubs and raking the frog garden.