Although we don’t usually give it much thought, life as we have come to enjoy it is based on certain unbreakable agreements that govern our interactions with the countless other formations of energy and matter which fill our universe.
Gravity, for example, never ceases to embrace us to the bosom of the earth, photons continue their emigration from our dearest sun, and even Canada remains content to occupy the darkened tundra of Extreme Northern America, conveniently out of the way of the rest of the continent.
Yet we remain happily ignorant of the many thankless treaties that make life livable until one of them goes horribly awry. Take for instance the Ominous Comma Household Ban on Birthday Surprise Parties.
I know what you’re thinking, because I’m thinking it too. After the countless promises, contracts and oaths extracted at length from the Hot Comma Momma, promising never again to smite my personage with stealth festivities, there is no possible way she would break her most sacred word to me and strike terror in my unsuspecting heart yet again.
Oh…but she would.
TerrorStrike -Hot Momma style
Although my wife may be entirely without honor or shame, she is not without an email list or the ability to fill my house with a surprisingly stealthy horde of well-wishers.
The Horde – in theaters this summer
Among the many notable individuals who came out to celebrate my misfortune was frequent Comma commenter Jeolmstead as well as the manly DangerCouch crew who are never shy about eating cake or recalling awkward film-related experiences.
And as special treat there was even a defenseless creature upon which to vent any excess surprise-induced adrenaline.
“I’ve got your surprise right here”
I really don’t know how to thank my darling or her many co-conspirators, except perhaps to sign them each up for a year of flognative therapy with the newly rediscovered Doctor Harold Toboggans.
This of course won’t do much to cure them of their neurotic stealth-compulsion, but it definitely go a long way toward making me feel more like a well balanced member of society.1
And what better gift could I ask for than that?
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- I refer of course to the Society of Avenged Quandragenarians of which I am a charter member. «
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{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }
Was it just your birthday? Terri and I celebrate our Anniversary 3:14 (Pie Day).
I would hate to have to divorce Terri OR have your Birth Certificate altered so my Far Side calendar remains nice and spiff.
… But I will.
That first photo really looks more like you received a welcome of searing hot jalepeno oil in your eyes upon your arrival. What happened to the pic on fb that conveyed shock and wonder with the darling, smug HCM laughing along side?
Love the style of writing and the way you can really weave a story. Even if you weren’t big on the surprise, still looks like a fun party. At least your friends didn’t think it would be funny on your last birthday to take all the furniture you owned and place it in the kitchen…then spend several layers of duck tape taping up the kitchen. With friends like mine, lol.
It looks like it was a fun party. You should write more – it seems to come to you naturaly and it’s constitutes a very pleasant read.
Well, happy belated birthday, you old fart!
Happy Birthday! Having never been the recipient of a surprise party, I can only imagine the pain and humiliation involved. At least you got to vent towards the pinata.
I only came because I was told there would be a bat and a blindfold…..
I thought it was a blindfolded bat.
LOBO -Oh no sir. There is no need to perform any timeline adjustments on my behalf. I am content with the tenth of the month. Lord knows I’ve had plenty of time to get used to it.
Youthful One -This would be my side of the story. Also known as the fun side. Camille’s side is strew all over facebook like a tragic paint truck accident. Only with fewer incriminating footprints.
Justin -No, my friends were satisfied just to duct tape me to the fridge. Something about my magnetic personality, they said. -Thanks for your amazing level of discernment in reading material selection.
web design miami -I am always happy to be part someone’s constitution but with some 263 posts under my belt I feel we might have to negotiate what you mean by “more.”
Jeffrey Ellis -I will assume you possess the standard “takes one to know one” qualification for such a remark.
wolf -Oh, how each of those little candies paid for my suffering.
jeolmstead -The time honored recipe for mayhem.
Youthful One -I wasn’t going to post this but….
Score- Parrot: 1, Jeolmstead: 0
Actually, I was one for two on the bird, but alas I did not drop him.
My plan is to practice on the geese in my pond so I’ll be ready next year
As one of slightly lesser years, I will refrain from questioning the age of your flatulence and wish you a late happy birthday. Also, I offer the use of my trebuchet to extract that candy if needed. (or maybe to expel some of the stealthy horde of well-wishers)
jeolmstead -In that case I suggest you upgrade to aluminum.
Chris non-C -Thank you, there is nothing worse than stale gas. Also I will be sure to send for your trebuchet right about this time next year.
Treachery is a part of all good marriages I’m told. I hope that parrot felt the wrath of the Comma… and heppy birfday.
Happy belated birthing day!
Nice swing.
Alex L. -I don’t know if all marriages could handle this level of sneakery.
C. Fraser -Thank you. Don’t stay on hiatus too long, the net will go into withdrawals.
Happy belated birthday. It doesn’t help that I gave up Facebook for Lent so am missing your wisdom over there and now I’m so behind on my Google Reader, it’s not funny. 260-plus posts in the hole. But hey, glad your birthday was a good one…at least, your wife didn’t take you to some Mexican restaurant and have the wait staff sing for you. That really sucks.
unfinishedrambler -Yes, wait staffery usually require a large gratuity in order to sing on key, or better yet silently. Thank you anyway.