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Yesterday, I was visited by representatives of the Department of Humor Security. It seems that there is humoron1 shortage and I have be asked, in a spirit of community patriotism, to stop wasting vital humor resources on projects as trivial as this blog. Apparently my humble attempts at humor are draining the inter-dimensional supply of ridiculousity required by the government for its continued operation.

Department of Humor Security monitoring station - Humoron division

“As you can see sir, the problem is located here at the Ominous Comma North American Headquarters.”

As it was explained to me, the government uses currents of humoron flux to infuse its hierarchy with a continuing supply of apathy and insensitivity required for efficient government service. This of course creates huge volumes of irony, perfect for sharing with the world. Unfortunately, tapping into this irony somehow short circuits the whole operation, and in the process make everyone involved look really silly.

I had always considered any silliness, or lack thereof, in an individual’s appearance to be a personal problem, to solved by the proper application of whatever level of intelligence each individual is gifted with. However, since many organization are specifically designed to bypass the native intelligence of their members, my approach is often considered a threat, frequently answered with violence, intimidation, and torturously bad elevator music delivered over long periods of telephone “hold time.”

After several hours of low-quality government-issue jokes, the agents let me off with a stern warning, threatening the worst from federal auditors and proctologists if I did not restrict my writing to only the most serious of matters, avoiding all levity, mockery, and mirth.

Department of Humor Security rapid response unit - Humoron One

“Remember men, Don’t fire until you hear the click of his keyboard.”

I have no idea what I will do. If I stop being funny I could lose my audience, not to mention my coveted listing on

Clearly, there is no easy path from here, but I will keep all both of you posted about any late breaking news in this exciting story.

Mysteriously listed among some funny writers at

  1. Sub-atomic particles of humor energy. Although not quite technically proven, their existence would explain a lot about the present ridiculous state of the world, as well as giving clues to understanding past and future states of planetary ridiculousness. Discover the humorons role in intelligent humor here.