Sometime back, while still suffering from the acute absence of my spouse, I was tagged by the Rosetta Rants Translator, who encouraged me to open up and declare several random facts about myself.
I abstained at the time to spare my readers any unpleasant revelations of my emotional well-being during my long and painful Camille-less state.
Basically, any list written during that period would end up looking much like this:
Seven things about me:
1. I am depressed when my wife is absent.
2. My wife is absent.
3. I am depressed.
4. I am also despondent.
5. As well as desolate of soul.
6. Dwelling in a dark dervish of dejection.
7. Delving into the dank depths of degradation.
Fortunately, my self-restraint saved everyone from having to read such a blatant mass of self-pity and alliteration. After all, I am nothing if not thoughtful.
Now that the Hot Comma Momma has returned, I am feeling much better and definitely more prepared to write a list that might actually interest people. So with no further delay, allow me to present this long postponed list o’ stuff about the author.
Seven better things about me:
1. I am a movie star. My first film, Danger Couch and the Tinsel of Doom has been finally released and is available for consumption over at the DC site.
2. I am an ex-marine. That is no surprise to anyone who regularly follows this blog, but poses quite a contradiction for anyone who has actually met me in person. The ability to speak in complete sentences, devoid of four-letter words, really throws a lot of people off their assumptions. This is generally a good thing, since there is no telling when the last time their assumptions have seen the light of day.
3. I like the smell of ozone. I don’t know why. It just makes me happy.
4. I like humorists who make me think. Favorites include Gary Larson, Steven Wright, Douglas Adams, and of course Ralph Macchio.1
5. I was born and raised in Portland, Oregon where I suffered from what I now believe to be Seasonal Affected Disorder. Only once I moved to Southern California did I realize that twenty years of reoccurring depression could have been avoided if I only could have acquired some sunlight.
6. I remember back before televisions had remote controls. As a child, it was my job to stand next to the set and turn the knob until the family found a show they could all agree on.2
7. I once visited the island of Aruba. While there, a cactus spine punctured the inch-thick rubber sole of my boot and stabbed me in the foot. I wrote to the Beach Boys and asked them to add that part to their list of tropical delights in the song Kokomo. I am still waiting for a response.
I am not tagging anyone with this meme at this time, but if you are looking for an excuse to go on about yourself a bit, feel free to tag yourself in my name. I promise not to tell.
- If you missed the depth and humor in Crossroads, you clearly must not have been intoxicated at the time of viewing. ↩
- My grandparents had one of the earliest remotely controlled TVs. It had a motorized knob that would always overshoot the target channel and I would still have run over and dial it in for them. Turning only clockwise of course, a counter-clockwise twist of the dial would break the mechanism for good. ↩