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Sometime back, while still suffering from the acute absence of my spouse, I was tagged by the Rosetta Rants Translator, who encouraged me to open up and declare several random facts about myself.

I abstained at the time to spare my readers any unpleasant revelations of my emotional well-being during my long and painful Camille-less state.

Basically, any list written during that period would end up looking much like this:

Seven things about me:
1. I am depressed when my wife is absent.
2. My wife is absent.
3. I am depressed.
4. I am also despondent.
5. As well as desolate of soul.
6. Dwelling in a dark dervish of dejection.
7. Delving into the dank depths of degradation.

Fortunately, my self-restraint saved everyone from having to read such a blatant mass of self-pity and alliteration. After all, I am nothing if not thoughtful.

Now that the Hot Comma Momma has returned, I am feeling much better and definitely more prepared to write a list that might actually interest people. So with no further delay, allow me to present this long postponed list o’ stuff about the author.

Seven better things about me:
1. I am a movie star. My first film, Danger Couch and the Tinsel of Doom has been finally released and is available for consumption over at the DC site.

2. I am an ex-marine. That is no surprise to anyone who regularly follows this blog, but poses quite a contradiction for anyone who has actually met me in person. The ability to speak in complete sentences, devoid of four-letter words, really throws a lot of people off their assumptions. This is generally a good thing, since there is no telling when the last time their assumptions have seen the light of day.

3. I like the smell of ozone. I don’t know why. It just makes me happy.

4. I like humorists who make me think. Favorites include Gary Larson, Steven Wright, Douglas Adams, and of course Ralph Macchio.1

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5. I was born and raised in Portland, Oregon where I suffered from what I now believe to be Seasonal Affected Disorder. Only once I moved to Southern California did I realize that twenty years of reoccurring depression could have been avoided if I only could have acquired some sunlight.

6. I remember back before televisions had remote controls. As a child, it was my job to stand next to the set and turn the knob until the family found a show they could all agree on.2

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7. I once visited the island of Aruba. While there, a cactus spine punctured the inch-thick rubber sole of my boot and stabbed me in the foot. I wrote to the Beach Boys and asked them to add that part to their list of tropical delights in the song Kokomo. I am still waiting for a response.

I am not tagging anyone with this meme at this time, but if you are looking for an excuse to go on about yourself a bit, feel free to tag yourself in my name. I promise not to tell.

  1. If you missed the depth and humor in Crossroads, you clearly must not have been intoxicated at the time of viewing.
  2. My grandparents had one of the earliest remotely controlled TVs. It had a motorized knob that would always overshoot the target channel and I would still have run over and dial it in for them. Turning only clockwise of course, a counter-clockwise twist of the dial would break the mechanism for good.