I’m Not A Guest Blogger But I Play One On TV

by Brent on July 24, 2008

in Adventures of the Author

We interrupt your normally scheduled guest blogging adventure to bring you this Toboggans Search Update, somewhat live from the neon-illuminated wasteland of Northern Nevada.

Toboggans Search Update

The road to Toboggans1 has been a twisted and tangled one, fraught with peril and roadside urination. Danger has been my constant companion, often taking up the entire back seat of my rental vehicle.

Ominous Offspring - Danger!

The thrilling details of this epic journey will make someone a great post someday, but for now let me leave you with a few snapshot from the road.

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Child Exhaustion Device

The most ingenious video game ever invented. No buttons, no joystick, no coordination. Just jumping, jumping, more jumping and then your child’s blissful collapse into exhaustion.

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Tranquilizers Required

Travel Tip Number One – Never, ever forget the tranquilizers.

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Useable Metals

Customer: “Excuse me, I’m looking for some useless ornamental metal.”

Employee: “Sorry pal, you’re in the wrong place.”

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Location Revelation

Comma Girl discovers her place in the world

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Numbered UrinalGoing Number Five

I was a little confused about what to do here. After all, I’ve never gone number five before.

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The Comma Clan and I will soon be back to full blogging strength in our secret lair deep in the rancid heart of Memphis. Until then, you relax where you are and hopefully I’ll continue not discovering Doctor Harold Tob-

—Transmission ends—–

Big thanks again to Chris Cameron of Angry Seafood for his masterful guest blogging efforts while I’m away.

  1. Caution- The phrase Road to Toboggans may cause Bob Hope to rise from his grave in an undead avenging fury. It might be wise to keep some kosher salt handy, just in case. «

{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }

Alex L. July 25, 2008 at 1:20 am

Comma Girl seems to be doing a dandy impersonation of that guy from ‘the temple of doom’ in that first shot.

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LOBO July 25, 2008 at 8:50 am

Brent! What’s it like out there? Does ‘natural sunshine’ really make our flesh burst into flame, or is that just a rumor?

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leigh July 25, 2008 at 1:37 pm

i actually have gone number 5 before. and it was not pleasant.

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Tim July 25, 2008 at 2:53 pm

Great post. Give me a high number five! On second thought, maybe not.

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don July 25, 2008 at 8:34 pm

Camille looks kinda’ hot when she’s going postal.

By the way, I think thats one of the new Wii entertainment urinals. It’s kind of like those clown heads in the midways, where you shoot water into the clowns mouth to make the balloon expand. 5 is probably average.

Makes going to the bathroom with a friend a lot more competitive.

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Rickey Henderson July 26, 2008 at 5:57 pm

Good stuff–care to place a wager on the Mets for Rickey while you’re out there? Pretty please? Rickey will be your best friend….

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creechman July 27, 2008 at 9:00 am

I kind of like the “middle danger.” She looks guilty about something. Got her ipod taken away. Skulking in self-pity…. very good look.

Or perhaps she is just bored.

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Anon July 25, 2008 at 9:37 pm

Uhmm, that’s not Camille, that’s commateen. Don’t hurt him Brent, he didn’t know that was your teenaged daughter. Run Don!!!!! RUUUUNNNN!!!

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Brent Diggs July 26, 2008 at 4:04 pm

Yes Don, I have always maintained that there should be more sports based on bodily functions. But if it ever got to an olympic level of competition, just think of all the anti-doping screening required.

Would a two-gallon swig of coffee be considered cheating?

In addition: that picture does feature my eldest offsping, sometimes known as little miss ominous, but Camille has also mastered that particular expression as well.

I just seem to bring it out in people.

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don July 26, 2008 at 10:24 pm

Really? She has a very mature snarl.

Why does everyone (Like the local police, my minister and most of my neighbors.) think I’m some kind of pervert?

Perhaps I meant that as a complement to HCM? You know, the old “Why you look like twins!” thing.

I think I’ll just go now.

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Brent Diggs July 26, 2008 at 3:40 pm

Yes, we’ve learned to never turn our back on that one.

However, we have had good results from occasionally turning the firehose upon her.

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Brent Diggs July 26, 2008 at 3:50 pm

I don’t know Lobo, I didn’t take any chances. I coated myself, head to toe, in a double application of silver oxide “Mirro-block,” guaranteed for 100% solar reflection.

It was very effective, but unfortunately all that ricocheting radiation seems to have temporarily blinded the rest of the family.

No one seems to offer seeing-eye pets by the family pack either.

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Brent Diggs July 26, 2008 at 3:54 pm

I have no real experience to draw from, but I’m sure the resultant vapors would be quite intoxicating.

Oxygen deprivation can be such an ugly thing. Worse still, if you pass out at the scene of the crime.

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Brent Diggs July 26, 2008 at 3:56 pm

Did you require the services of a hazmat team, or were the paramedics able to handle it themselves?

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Brent Diggs July 26, 2008 at 11:33 pm

You know I would, Rickey, but I’ve spent all my money buying information about Dr T from the locals around here.

I might even have to hitchhike home.

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HCM July 26, 2008 at 11:34 pm

Thanks Don, you’re my new best friend.

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Brent Diggs July 27, 2008 at 2:30 pm

Trouble is two of her middle names. That’s why I try to never travel without sedatives.

For me of course.

Sleeping through danger is a strategy that has served me well.

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