With my last foray into Quasi-Shakespearean Home Maintenance Verse having done so much to raise the cultural density of this otherwise highly penetrable site, my first thought upon completing my latest household chore was of course: “There must be someone who would have done this for $8 an hour.”
My second thought was to celebrate my victory over domestic labor in bold Bard-worthy form.
This would be that second thought:
Ode To An Inconveniently Tall Stump Upon The Eve Of My Beloved Wife’s Return From Her Travels
When e’er I see with mine two eyes
My home’s most redneck state
And find no beauty there within
Due to my absent mate
Note the missing wife and present tree. Foreshadowing is in the forecast
Far wanders my frail and lonely mind
To times more graced with bliss
And dawns the thought ‘fore her return
I might should look at her list
Don’t worry Love, your list is at the top of my list…somewhere
First task upon that urgent note:
Lay low the former tree
Whose carcass yet was still too high
To display floral-try1
If you really wanted flowers out here, a step ladder would be no obstacle
So filled with might and much Motrin
I lumbered to the task
And forceful laid into said stump
With loves enduring axe2
Love endures a bit longer with 46cc of internal combustion backing it up
A might battle thus ensued
One wracked with many harms
And glad was I when last I won
To have still all my arms
I’m no botanist but I don’t think trees are suppose to have diarrhea
Though many a more and mighty deed
Were made complete by me
That tale shall test another day
Your love for poetry
Camille was right: this is a vast improvement
“with love’s enduring axe” could be a euphemism for something.
… must … not … cry
Not to freak you out, or anything, but…… If that nasty stuff was inside that tree, what is inside all of your other trees?
Excellent poetry. It’s especially good when the first line can serve duty as the title.
You see, there you go, working too hard again. Methinks that all you had to do was read this poetry to the tree – it might have run, screaming, from your front yard.
But still… it was beautiful. Jack Frost would be jealous.
I mean that.
“Iâ€™m no botanist but I donâ€™t think trees are suppose to have diarrhea”
Excellent use of complex tree foreshadowing. Hopefully tree diarrhea is not an extension of the foreshadowing or Camille will be one unhappy camper!
So did you really cut that tree down Brent? (Shut up Debbie)
If they don’t take it away soon, you could always use it as a mailbox post ;) Trust me I’ve seen it done.
i must say i am amazed and astonished by this act of love.
I don’t get it.
But then, I don’t get many things. I still don’t understand how water comes out of the tap.
That explains Costa Rica.
But what about the water and the taps?
‘Iâ€™m no botanist but I donâ€™t think trees are suppose to have diarrhea’
I hope for The Hot Comma Momma’s sake you didnt get any tree poo on you.
“46cc of internal combustion” Now that’s a new euphemism for Viagra.
I should leave more often. The “list” has finally been completed. All is right in the world, well except the earthquakes, floods, and politics. At least the important things are right.
Taking care of tree diarrhea is a sign of true love. Many brownie points have thus been scored.
This is really amazing and I really like this site.
Thank you for submitting this to the Blog Carnival.
Well Done! I Like it!