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With my last foray into Quasi-Shakespearean Home Maintenance Verse having done so much to raise the cultural density of this otherwise highly penetrable site, my first thought upon completing my latest household chore was of course: “There must be someone who would have done this for $8 an hour.”

My second thought was to celebrate my victory over domestic labor in bold Bard-worthy form.

This would be that second thought:

Ode To An Inconveniently Tall Stump Upon The Eve Of My Beloved Wife’s Return From Her Travels

When e’er I see with mine two eyes
My home’s most redneck state
And find no beauty there within
Due to my absent mate

My Wife is Missing - Again

Note the missing wife and present tree. Foreshadowing is in the forecast

Far wanders my frail and lonely mind
To times more graced with bliss
And dawns the thought ‘fore her return
I might should look at her list

Laundry Day

Don’t worry Love, your list is at the top of my list…somewhere

First task upon that urgent note:
Lay low the former tree
Whose carcass yet was still too high
To display floral-try1

Overly tall tree stump

If you really wanted flowers out here, a step ladder would be no obstacle

So filled with might and much Motrin
I lumbered to the task
And forceful laid into said stump
With loves enduring axe2


Love endures a bit longer with 46cc of internal combustion backing it up

A might battle thus ensued
One wracked with many harms
And glad was I when last I won
To have still all my arms

Tree Diarrhea

I’m no botanist but I don’t think trees are suppose to have diarrhea

Though many a more and mighty deed
Were made complete by me
That tale shall test another day
Your love for poetry

Bouquet for a fallen foe

Camille was right: this is a vast improvement

  1. Important safety note – Never debate the differences between acceptable rhymes and cheesy word tricks with a poet still holding a chainsaw.
  2. Love’s Enduring Axe – Now that’s a title for a romance film. Overly sentimental, yet filled with the unavoidable bouquet of honest manly labor.