After a brief summer lull, the Ominous Comma is back in full swing, reinvigorated, re-imagined, and completely restocked with a full compliment of superfluous adjectives. The Comma Comment Community is also once again buzzing and clicking, much like a toaster full of tapioca pudding, randomly erupting in sparks and errant observations.
Which has led me to revisit a question that has long haunted my thoughts.
What is it that inspires a person to contribute to the furious fray of professional humor commenting?
Is it the money? The recognition on the street? The complementary flogging with every submission?
I didn’t really know, but having come perilously close to actual investigation, I fought back violent shudders and proceeded instead to fabricate the following list of highly believable motivations:
- The commentor was at work, but couldn’t bring himself/herself to the point of actual labor, and so had some time to kill.
- The commentor wanted to work but was taking a break to give the rest of the workgroup a chance to catch up with him/her.
- The commentor was unemployed and nothing better to do.1
I was beginning to fear the possible necessity of deep thought, when I unexpectedly received the answer in the form of a comment.
Sally, a relative newcomer to the joys of commenting and still flushed with the excitement of discovery, chimed in to share a totally unexpected side-effect of Comma consumption: increased personal humor.
She writes, “I like this site. My husband says that after a week of reading these posts I am more humorous.”
And so, wasting no time in taking credit for yet another surprising community service, I rapidly procrastinated my response until today:
Sally,
You have no idea how proud I am to play even the tiniest part in your increased humor potential. In fact, if this blog had a mission statement, in addition to being a long and relatively pointless document, it would certainly include the phrase, “empowering, equipping, and inciting spouses to openly laugh at each other.” Please make use of this absolutely free service with my warmest regards.
-Brent
And so dear readers, in the unlikely event that you tire of this blog’s other charms, allow me to suggest Relational Laughter.2 This fine service not only opens up relationships for renewed growth in high volume communication and counseling bills, it also provides quality entertainment for everyone in the vicinity.
It is truly a gift that keeps on giving, compliments of your friends at the Comma.
—–
See the author in two-fisted comic action in the brand new Danger Couch DVD.
—–
This post can be found inciting riots of angry comments on humor-blogs.com
{ 58 comments… read them below or add one }
You’ve probably increased the frequency of getting laid, too.
Howard,
I had no idea you were so well informed. Just today the OC poultry division has reported a threefold increase in the laying of brood hens as Comma posts are read aloud in the roost.
Productivity has increased to such an extent that according to our calculations, some eggs are being laid more than once.
Scientists and accountants alike are a loss to explain this unprecedented breakthrough in farm production.
The internet, is there anything it can’t do?
Is having a spouse a requirement to experiencing Relational Laughter? If yes, I will have to get me one of those…
We’re running a special right now. All spouses are half off today.
You pick the half.
That’s a tough decision. Do I want my half split vertically or horizontally…?
I vote for vertically. Give me the left side of one spouse, please. This way, we’ll still be close to the same height. Line dancing will much less awkward this way.
Is it just me or are all the letters freakishly large?
Did I stumble across the Senior Citizen’s OC web page?
Debbie,
Even as we speak I am exercising my web skills, tinkering away under the hood of the Comma.
You should probably remove anything flammable, breakable, or cuddly from around your computer.
(taking cover)
I kind of like the big letters, makes me feel s-p-e-c-i-a-l !
Oh my goodness, a little comma just came out of my computer and gave me the finger.
You should update your virus software.
Kev,
I am fresh out of left sides, they are surprisingly popular. Could I interest you in a right side?
I realize there may be some political compatibility issues, but this deal is too good to pass up.
Act now and I’ll throw in a copy of Doctor Toboggans’ latest book, Denial, Extortion, and Other Secrets of Marital Compatibility absolutely free.
Ha! Exactly.
I think I’ll keep this little guy; he is having fun dancing on my desk.
He just told me he is the one that made your text all big.
As a member of the “older” community, I like BIG letters.
I also like feeling S*P*E*C*I*A*L.
Just not as special as Debbie. I am not seeing any “commas.”
Lynn,
Don’t beat yourself up if you can’t see commas on your first attempt. Sometimes you have to start small, like with apostrophes, and work your way up to the more important punctuation.
Wow, I feel S*P*E*C*I*A*L.
Lynn,
You are NOT old. Just look at Dr. T. He has glasses and he looks ancient compared to you.
Sally,
You are special.
Kev,
I recommend taking your half out of the middle.
“complementary flogging with every submission”????
How did I miss mine? Did you lose my address?
Brent reading your blog takes so much time. I read your post, then the comments and then the post again to see if I missed something that would help me understand the comments, and then I have to read the comments again. Finally, after writing my comments I have realized that 30 minutes has gone by and I have nothing to show for it.
But I will carve out time in my busy schedule just for the comma world.
Rj, that is my fault. I’m afraid I wandered off topic. The best solution to the seemingly complicated mix of comments is to be the first one to comment. We need a professional writer/blogger to set the tone and lead this band of crazy commas.
In other words, don’t leave us rj…we need you.
R.J,
The great Sherlock Holmes had a trick that he liked to play on his assistant Dr. Watson.
He would observe him and take note of whatever seemed to be catching the doctor’s attention.
Then Holmes would cycle through what he knew would be Watson’s chain of thought, racing through inferences and associations, tracking his every conclusion.
He would then amaze the doctor several minutes later by “reading” his mind and responding to Watson’s inner thoughts out loud.
Following the comments at the Ominous Comma is in no way similar to that amazing feat.
It has more to due with several of us skipping our medication all at the same time.
Sorry about your lost time, perhaps you can be compensated by OSHA.
Actually, now that I think about it, I have some extra time I’m not really using. I’ll email you a couple of spare hours. That should settle things between us.
R. J. —-
A large mug of coffee speeds up the reading! And if it’s late in the day and it’s Irish, then the comments actually start to make sense. Otherwise, Brent is right — it would take someone with the puzzle-solving mind of Sherlock Holmes to figure out what is going on with the little commas. Especially when “some of us” skip our meds…
Hey Brent,
Can you send me a couple of hours too. I am really short this month.
Nevermind RJ. Brent likes us just as C-R-A-Z-Y as we want to be! (We still need you though)
Brent, I never miss my medication. (Ironically it is your blog)
Even your responses to our comments are little mini comedy posts. Please stay un-employed so we can stay entertained! Thanks appreciate it.
I miss Lynn. Where is my OC sister?
Yeah, Sally did not cancel her OC membership after all!
Glad your back Sally. Brent is funnier than ever which means your husband will find you irresistible. (rj will have to track back to understand that one)
Debbie,
Sorry the beginning of school and the caos of life side tracked me. Now I am getting my priorities straight. 1. the Comma 2.everything else.
Brent,
I thought you said meditation, not medication. The OC is my meditation time. I need it every day. I agree, stay unemployed.
Well all the little commas are voting for Brent to stay unemployed, I for one would love to see him paid for what he does best.
Lynn,
I’m with Debbie. What’s up girl? You have not written a thing since lines 13,14,&15. Here we are all the way down to 33. Get it together. I think you are losing your sense of direction.
Debbie,
Don’t worry too much about Lynn. She’s just a character. I heard recently that her squirrel was ill. That’s probably why she has been distant. You know how close they are. rj, you will have to really go way back to get that one, but don’t worry, the more time you spend at the OC, the smarter you become.
Brent,
You are actually very funny and I do laugh each and every time I read a post.
But, can we be honest here, we comment because we want comments back. It really is very simple.
Make me smile, comment, visit me, hopefully laugh, then you comment. Fade to black.
Camille,
Thanks. I don’t want to talk about it.
New Diva,
Comment
i got lost. but thank ghad! i like the atmosphere. can i stay hidden here for a while?…
Hey Camille,
I think you should talk to Brent about increasing his latte fund so the both of you can enjoy a cup together.
Lynn,
Maybe your squirrel just needs a squirrel-friend. Refer to the previous post on “squirrel fishing” and I bet you can catch her a hunk!
Sally,
Glad you came to your senses. Nothing is more important than the Comma and keeping your hubby amused. Eventually the Comma will do your dishes, laundry, grocery shopping, etc… You just have to be patient.
You may have to treat Brent (the reason we are all here) to a cup of coffee (latte) every now and then (bottom right hand corner). You’ll be glad you did.
Hey New Diva…see comment # 40. The Comma is so much more than “a blog”!
A little used feature of this blog is the search box. If there is a reference or inside joke that you don’t understand, (a hazard that I haven’t figured out how to fix) you can use it to search the entire site for an explanation.
I use it myself to remind me of nonsense I have previously spewed.
At the same time we do want newcomers to feel included and not somehow outside of the clique (or cult as some would say- feel free to search that one) so let’s be welcoming and friendly.
Please no one search under “squirrel” you will have way too much work to do. I will start with the welcoming.
“Hello newbies, welcome to the funny farm or OC. Medication is optional and coffee is mandatory. It is very helpful if your parents dropped you on your head a few times in your childhood. Please keep your squirrels off of the computer, they can be messy.”
oh, and DON’T leave the seat up!
Excellent work, a promotion is in your future.
It is extremely obvious that Brent and Rj are the professionals. I need a blog. Actually I guess I need writing skills first.
You have the skills, what you lack is a platform.
Go to wordpress.com and set up a blog. I will be happy to promote you.
There’s free ice-cream with every test drive.
Or maybe it was ice water.
Just ice?
No, I remember now. It was a free blog with every signup.
And possibly a toaster.