Webster’s To Reclassify ‘Nuclear’ As Two Syllable Word

by Brent on February 12, 2007

in Satire

News Lite:
98% Less Factual Information Than Regular News

Cleveland- Dictionary publisher Webster’s Inc. today announced that it will reclassify ‘nuclear’ as a two syllable word. Company owner, John Q. Webster, great grandson of original dictionary author Nathaniel Webster, said that the move was “natural and logical, in keeping with popular usage, and in no way connected with the large number of armed men occupying our office.”

When asked about extensive homeland security investigations and warrantless wiretaps aimed at the company in recent months, White House officials said that although they could not give specifics, they were following definite connections with al-Quaeda, Weight Watchers and other terrorist organizations and that any intimidating effects felt by Webster’s were purely coincidental.

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{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }

Lynn February 12, 2007 at 11:50 pm

I’ve always been suspicous of those Weight Watchers people.

Reply

Debbie February 15, 2007 at 7:26 pm

I think PetSmart is also on the terrorist list, but Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff released a statement clarifying the warrantless wiretaps were not a breach of civil rights because the store caters to the cute and furry American population.

Reply

Brent February 20, 2007 at 8:06 pm

I have always believed that cats require surveillance. The most constant the better.

Reply

Dana March 16, 2007 at 11:45 pm

OK, with some sleep and some coffee I get it now. Sometimes I can be a little obtuse.

It left me with a thought…our language is being “hi-jacked” in a way. Meanings are less precise, and thus ideas are less precise. Soon, we will hardly be able to communicate at all.

Reply

Lynn March 20, 2007 at 12:39 am

Dana, you are so right. The lack of real communication is appalling. Reverse progress is the order of the day.

Reply

fonki June 20, 2007 at 9:50 am

hello a rabbits for adption

Reply

fonki June 20, 2007 at 9:51 am

i need help

Reply

Anonymous August 28, 2007 at 4:14 pm

IS PARROT A TWO SYLLABLE WORD

Reply

AJ August 28, 2007 at 11:17 pm

Supercalifragalisticexpialidotious

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