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Smiling Snacks

A general rule that has served me well over the years is that anything capable of smiling probably doesn’t belong on the menu.

It is precisely this principle that has led me to remove from my diet former staples such as laughing pork, grinning corn, and all manner of slyly smirking desserts.

Now I will be the first to admit that I don’t know what the Recommended Daily Allowance of human child is, but I am guessing that it is quite low. In fact, I’m fairly sure there is no room in any of the USDA established food groups for a young person of such disturbing facial capacity.

Say no to FM.

Facially Modified foods have no place on the American dinner table.

This message brought to you by the Federation of Concerned and Constipated Bakery Theorists, now meeting at