I was listening to the radio the other day, searching for relationship advice, when I came across a recent offering by Columbian pop icon Shakira entitled “Hips Don’t Lie.”
Although Wyclef Jean is listed as the original creator of the song, savvy listeners will realize that having an inebriated man chant “Shakira, Shakira” roughly fifty-two times in a three minute song is the truest measure of authorship.
Besides, I didn’t hear his hips saying anything.
In this song Ms. Shakira repeatedly declares that her “hips don’t lie,” with great fervency, like a bold election promise.
As a stickler for anatomical honesty myself, I wondered just what it was that her hips were being so truthful about. I imagined myself in a magical daydream land, gracefully moving across the dance floor through the pulsating forest of beautiful, sweaty people in order to ask the singer exactly that. But my overworked imagination could not handle the strain of a such an unbelievable fantasy.
The mental weight of my lacking rhythmic and aerobic fitness quickly wore me out, and my mind derailed onto a more plausible story in which I am instead serenaded by paramedics responding to my cardiac arrest and torn ligaments. Their big number is entitled “Please Don’t Die (In My Ambulance.)”
This led me to the discovery of a multitude of real world / real body hit songs just waiting for an audience. Here are a few songs positively destined for the top of the charts:
(My) Nose Won’t Dry
(My) Gut’s Sure Grown
(My) Teeth Done Gone
(My) Ears Grow Hair
(This) Gas Ain’t Right
(These) Bowels Won’t Move
What songs are you waiting for to climb the charts?
{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }
“My Scalp Don’t Fry”, by those with nice thick heads of hair.
“My Nose is Awry”, by hockey players
“My Face Is Shy”, by people with beards.
(…searching for relationship advice?)
***
(My)Joint Has Gone To Pot
(My)Unconscious Won’t Move
(My)Tongue–In-Cheek
At least I tried…
How do I obtain a copy of this Danger Cushion DVD?
(My) Legs Don’t Fly certainly has a ring of honesty and truth about it, no?
I’m with Debbie, why were you looking for relational advice? That does not sound right.
Debbie’s Pet Boyfriend,
To order a Dangercouch DVD one can purchase it at the upcoming remiere on Sept 8th or on the website soon.
(My) Toes Are Curled
I’m in tears right now. Hips DON’T lie, anymore than “lips can cry!?” I think Shakira is stating clear fact here. Semantic (or anatomical?) truth. She started medical school, I’ve heard, but didn’t finish.
Lynn,
There is an upcoming Dangercouch premiere? Details please…
My Pet Boyfriend,
That’s Dangercouch, not Dangercusion…strike one!
Karl Wolfbrooks,
Great site. I should visit often.
oh man, he even speaks some spanish in that song and those two words maybe three make Shakira go mad. Now, that song will be going through my head all day.
Yes, relationship advice.
The airwaves are filled with sage offerings of wisdom for those in love, those in anguish and even those incarcerated.
Who could forget classic advice like:
Rikki don’t you lose that number
Go your own way
Don’t stop believing
Boy’s don’t cry
One thing leads to another
Everybody have fun tonight
(and of course:)
Rock lobster
Remember, the radio is your friend.
Unless you’re in the bath, then it’s a distant relative.
Brent,
Yes, yes, I understand now. What about these 80’s gems?
Only The Lonely (The Motels…awesome song)
In Your Eyes (Peter Gabriel…one of the best songs ever made)
Under The Milky Way (The Church, my absolute favorite!)
Ship of Fools (Save Me From Tomorrow) 2nd absolute fav.
Every Breath You Take
Tainted Love
Total Eclipse of the Heart
Take On Me
You Can Do Magic
Love Shack
Love Is A Battlefield
In A Big Country
Should I Stay or Should I Go?
Easy Lover
Veronica
Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)
I Want To Know What Love Is
Sexual Healing
Sea of Love
And We Danced
Don’t You Want Me Baby
Need You Tonight
My Sharona
Always Something There To Remind Me
Wow, that takes me back. Thanks Brent, that was fun.
“Don’t You Want Me Baby” was like watching Dr. Phil. I think you all are being too hard on these musical gems!
Oh I love all those songs rj. These are the ones that make me want to PUKE up my guts:
Making Love Out of Nothing At All
Der Kommissar
Baby Come to Me
Gloria
Hard Habit to Break
Hurts So Good (my mom forbid me to listen to this when I was younger!)
Do You Really Want To Hurt Me?
Lady in Red
Rock Me Amadeus
Relax
Too Shy
Lonesome Loser
Footloose (Oh, wait I like this one!)
Don’t Worry Be Happy
Xanadu
Can’t Fight This Feeling (or any song by REO Speedwagon)
Hello
Islands in the Stream
The Look
Mr. Roboto
Private Dancer
Wake Me Up Before You Go Go
Um…you get the idea…
Remember that song (since I’ve named them ALL) “Voices Carry”? I believe that was Aimee Mann when she was with Til Tuesday. What a great artist.
(Cackling with nostalgic laughter)
Til Tuesday it was. What a great song. And Under the Milky Way Tonight is also one of my favorites.
Although I do question Mr. Roboto being on the bad list. Lyrics: cheese, concept: awesome.
Oh yes the rock opera Kilroy Was Here. So glad the MMM (Majority for Musical Morality) is fictious. Damn that Dr. Righteous!
I submit any of Shakiras works sung in Espanole` for closer inspection and “Under Observation” purposes.