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Dissociated Press presents:
The Fording Report
Still more From Herman Fording about headlines.
(A hard-hitting, and apparently never ending, series about writing the news.)

This is Herman Fording, voted Everyone’s Favorite Instigative Journalist, by a distinguished panel of tranquilized preschoolers, and I’m here with yet another installment of Writing Better Headlines. If you have been following this highly informative series, and only an idiot wouldn’t, you will recall that I kicked it off with this yawningly bad example of what no to do.

With the skill and wisdom drawn from years of journalistic experience, I taught you all how to extract the spice from even the most insipid information and concentrate it into a dazzling headline. A headline that doesn’t just capture the attention, but kicks open the doors of the mind, grabs attention by the neck, and drags it home to mama.

Journalism the way it should be — filled with excitement and intrigue, and not overly dependant on facts…

Then, if you have avoided blunt head trauma, you will also recall an article by the Drive-by Blogger who brought pride and honor to the craft of journalism by presenting us with a monkey story the way it should be: filled with excitement and intrigue, and not overly dependant on facts. Although he didn’t technically follow my instruction on crafting a sensational headline, I am giving him several hundred points of extra credit for a great story, which is almost as good.

Today it is my privilege to bring you a whole series of excellent headlines presented by the apt pupils at e-LauGhs who have apparently been following this series quite closely. These headlines are so good, so sensational, so filled with eyeball grabbing power that no story is actually required.

That’s right, these headlines stand alone, with well-earned pride as pinnacles of the journalistic art. They are beacons of passionate dedication, consummate skill, and sleep deprivation: everything that makes for great reporting.

It does my heart good to know that my efforts here are not wasted. That my overpowering wealth of knowledge and expertise can help fledgling reporters grow, and develop, and be more like me.

It gives me hope for the future of America.

Click here for Herman Fording’s next earth shattering feature:
Cetaceans Strike Back – Terror From the Deep

Or see Fording’s last attempt at journalism click here:
How To Write Sensational Headlines