While I have been harvesting badgers, feng shuing my shrubbery and generally enjoying the fruits of idleness, it has come to my attention1 that the Ominous Comma has achieved front page Google ranking in the highly competitive niche of Jello Phobia.
It has long been a dream of mine to use my humble writing abilities to help others, especially in overcoming debilitating dessert neuroses. So imagine my pride and amazement when I discovered that while I was off nesting my comments and noodling with Blogcatalog, I had somehow become an authority on the shimmering translucent tragedy that is gelatin dysfunction.
It all goes back to my groundbreaking four step plan for Search Engine Domination.
- Start a blog of carefully disguised random associations.
- Let readers add their own surreal interpretations.
- Have a musical montage, featuring me in random scenes of hard work and dedication, preferably holding a cutting torch.2
- Retire early with a large collection of blogging trophies and humanitarian awards.
So far it seems to be working very well. Even as I dictate this to Gertrude, my secretary/masseuse/poodle inoculation specialist, the Ominous Comma is a dominant force in the Buckachong niche as well as a noted expert on Frito Lay Cannibalism.3
Tempted as I am, I cannot take full credit for this site’s random market monopolization, partially because of my legendary humility, but mostly out of fear of federal injunction.
No, I must confess that I have had lots of help in making the Comma the mess that it is today. I would gladly name my fellow conspirators here before the entire web, but I am holding out just in case I need to use them in some sort plea bargain.
You can, however, see them in their natural environment, down in the comment section conveniently located just below this post.
Try not to tap on the glass though, it makes them self-conscious.
This post is a high-ranking member of the humor-blogs.com army
- No, I did not research this. The discovery is due entirely to the diligent efforts of my blog stat-package who tracks these sort of things for me, asking nothing in return. I’ll have to get it something nice for Christmas. Maybe a calculator. ↩
- Isn’t that how heroic individuals get out of a tight spot? ↩
- Buckachong in particular has a very high conversion potential. All we really need to do is focus on branding in order to differentiate our high value OC buckachong from that of the shameless pack of imitators competition. ↩