News Lite:
98% Less Factual Information Than Regular News
Mountain View, CA – In a surprise announcement internet powerhouse Google today revealed that it had acquired the western European country of Luxembourg…
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News Lite:
98% Less Factual Information Than Regular News
Chicago- Small business owner, Harold Smocking, was arrested today on charges of criminal brainwashing. His company, Esteem Cleaners, which provides an innovative combination of personal development and pressure washing, has up until now boasted an impressive track record of profitability and really clean sidewalks…
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News Lite:
98% Less Factual Information Than Regular News
The Institute of Cognitive Institutions today announce that longtime psychological model Maslow’s Pyramid has been revised by the Institute’s board of review, replacing self actualization with chocolate as humanity‘s greatest need…
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News Lite:
98% Less Factual Information Than Regular News
Niagara Falls- The final contingent of private security contractors reported for duty today in Niagara Falls, joining nearly 50,000 troops already deployed along the Canadian-American border. Funded by an alliance of major drug manufacturers, the troops have formed a blockade, effectively sealing off Canada from the American population. John Doughfus, a spokesmen for pharmaceutical giant JonesSmithPixelMilesCough went on record saying, “We’re not just some multi-billion dollar corporation, we are also a legal citizen of this country, and we are concerned about the security of our borders….
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News Lite:
98% Less Factual Information Than Regular News
Little Rock- This morning Randal Rufus reported to court ordered driving school. Unlike more traditional driving courses, this one focused on parking lots and directional arrows. “I never thought it made no matter which ever way I went in a parking lot, but now I know better,” said Rufus, who was joined by a dozen others at the class…
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News Lite:
98% Less Factual Information Than Regular News
Memphis- Representatives from six major automakers met with the Memphis Area Recycling Service today to conclude negotiations on turn a signal recycling agreement. With sales in a continuing slump, auto manufacturers are seeking new opportunities to cut costs and increase profits. “We are very excited about the potential of this deal,” said Toyota representative, Rick Spudnicker, “Memphis has a staggering wealth of unused turn signals…”
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