Those of you that have been following the great commenting saga that has unfolded on these pages over the last week, will no doubt have spent the entire weekend on pins and needles, wondering in anxious anticipation what prize I was to be awarded by Camille, the Hot Comma Momma, for the mighty volume of comments left by the readers of this blog, who I’m sure are also deeply concerned by now over the complete lack of any sign of ever ending this sentence.
No doubt, some of you were expecting this reward to be of highly personal nature, one that modesty and discretion would prevent me from disclosing in any great detail.
I know I was.
Instead, I received this:
A Honeydew List.1
My father always said that a pun was the lowest form of wit. He was too kind.
Don’t give up the comments my Comma compadres, perhaps next time I can upgrade to watermelon.
—
Top Psychologists recommend the Ominous Comma for self-administered therapy between sessions. Subscribe today.
- Readers of this post with any professional-grade husbanding experience will know that the correct answer in this situation is this: “It doesn’t matter what you got me honey, the real prize is you.”
Those of you new to husbandry should memorize this response. Next to being able to say “No dear, those pants don’t make you look fat” with a straight face, it is the single most valuable skill you can develop. Trust me on this. «
{ 24 comments… read them below or add one }
well, at least you get to eat the honeydew, right?
I’m sure comma comma comma comma comma Camilleon has a few more surPRIZE’s up her sleeve…(never question my dork factor…)
I’m having a problem with number three on the “honeydew” list, however; I will refrain from any profane word usage. (No breakthroughs in Dr. T’s jell-o phobia treatment)
Lynn,
Um…have you seen our beautiful brown-eyed squirrel “partner in crime” lately? Oh crap…well, don’t panic and DO NOT read number two on the “honeydew” list…
(Note to Brent: No need to scratch your head, you know how Lynn and I tend to wander off in our own little world of comments)
I suspect there is more to the story here. Did you use your glowing review of her clothing at the wrong time? Remember my dear boy, hell hath no fury like an overheated grammatical patriarch.
Lynn, my condolences about you squirrel.
Sorry Lynn,
I meant to say,”your squirrel”. I was not trying to call you a rodent.
(a well placed could have made that one very confusing) ;)
Chris,
A well placed what could have made that one very confusing?
What about my squirrel?! What are you saying? Are you saying that it was my squirrel on the grill? I’m having a little panic attack now.
Debbie,
My anxiety level is going through the roof. I have not seen my squirrel for two days now. He usually attempts to attack me at least once a day. I thought he had just found a new toy or something. Please help me find him.
don’t you hate it when your catching some rays on the sink counter and your beach towel falls in the disposal and you accidently hit the switch for the disposal?
and you finally find that perfect squirrel to serve as your car emblem and he falls of when you hit a tree and gets caught in the grill?
and..nothing
rereading the honeydew list i notice that item #2 made mention of multiple squirrles in the grill. perhaps none of these belong to Lynn.
remember, brent, placement of the jello sculpture depends entirely on the flavor of the jello. it should go on a wall with coordinating colors that where it can be an accent, tying in the other colors of your dining room. since the dining room is white, i imagine any of the four walls will do. you should consider placing it in front of the mirrors, giving it a greater appearance of depth and causing the illusion that your family is quite affluent in jello. quite a status symbol, you know
Lynn,
Take heart my dear. I just re-read #2 more carefully and apparently there are multiple squirrels in the car grill. So, unless your little buddy has been off hanging with other squirrels then there is still hope the he may attack you again soon. However, this discovery brings up disturbing new questions……..
Brent,
Have you been taking short cuts through the park? I’m curious how one acquires multiple squirrels in their car grill. Have you considered getting help for your squirrelocidic tendencies? Or is this Hot Comma Momma’s car?
Late in the evening, the tired author read the day’s comments and chuckled tired chuckles of fatigue.
Knowing that the “little commas” were in good hands, he slowly stumbled off to bed.
I happen to know 1st hand that there is no grill in the custom green Subaru “Attack Wagon”
It was “removed” a while back when someone foolishly thought it wise to drive in front of our heroine. (aka hot comma momma)
John O.
hee hee! Mrs. Comma rocks!
“Intelligent humor for the enlightened masses”
Nice change to your tag-line thingy. (No more competition with protruding tree branches as well)
Good work.
First I would like to thank Jenn for her insight into the hanging of the Jell-O. You know that Brent is decoratively challenged.
I would also like to take this opportunity to say that I offered to hire someone to remove the dead squirrels, but Brent insisted that he could do it himself. I believe the exact wording went something like this, “I don’t need any other man to remove my squirrels!” I think that was a bit sexist of him. How does he know that it was going to be a man?
Second, John O, you are correct in that my green machine is still missing the grill. Somehow that did not stop the possum from getting stuck in there last summer.
Third,
I don’t know if everyone read number five. It looks a bit cut off on my screen, but Brent needs to drop off the dry cleaning and make sure that they do not starch the asbestos underwear. I just hate it when that happens!
Maybe one of you fine litte commas can remind him for me:)
Brent did complete number one on the list last night. That is why he was so tired. The beach towel did not surrender without a fight.
But surrender it did . Unfortunately it’s not good for much of any thing now, except cleaning road kill off cars.
How fortunate for me.
Oh, I am so glad that my squirrel is ok. He lives to attack another day!
Brent,
I love your new menu thingy. It is fabulous!
Jenn,
Yes I did eat the melon, however it was very very juicy and somehow the towel got stuck while cleaning up the mess.
I find it suspicious that Camille knew to put it on the list before it ever became lodged in the disposal.
She’s up to something.
Chris,
When it comes to women, my timing is the worst.
R.J.
Ever since we installed the heat lamps in the kitchen, we have have had no end of problems with counter-top sunbathers.
Lynn,
Squirrel missing + Dr. T missing = something fishy.
Debbie,
trimming the tag line was cheaper than pruning the tree. Check back tomorrow to find out why all the sudden flurry of site maintenance.