As anyone who has been following this blog can tell you, the Ominous Comma, in addition to having delusions of humor, is also a fount of scientifical information. Many exciting postulates, hastily constructed theories and nearly accurate observations have had their start right here on these very pages. And today I am pleased to bring to light yet another amazing discovery: the humoron.

Several of my recent posts have featured passing humoron references without ever really delving into the enervating mystery of humoron mechanics.

This one will be no exception.

Yet as still another service to the readers of the Comma, I will attempt to bring some level of clarity to the arcane working of this mysterious and misunderstood phenomenon.

Intelligent Humor Explained

Simply put, the humoron is a soon-to-be-discovered sub-atomic particle of humor energy. It surrounds and fills all exchanges of humor whether visual, verbal or institutional. Unlike midichlorions¹ and other cheese-laden explanations of the unexplained, humorons do not grant people the power to levitate, engage in light saber battles, or endure Jar-Jar Binks. Humorons simply allow people like me to make fun of those that do.

A brilliant and penetratingly insightful explanation of the role of humorons in entertainment was written by the author of the Danger Couch blog, which I shall quote here:

When you watch a Danger Couch episode, your eyes and ears are inundated with massive amounts of humor energy particles, or humorons as they are called. These humorons cause your retinas to release a chemical messenger called sightoplasm while simultaneously causing your eardrums to release a similar messenger known as soundoplasm.

These plasms wonder aimlessly around your nervous system until they meet up at the plasmmat, where they exchange gossip and catch up on old times. When enough plasms enter the plasmmat to start a really good party, the ribosomes next door become irritated.

This tickling of the ribosomes releases scores of other chemicals like yuckosites, laughagens and especially hectoplasm. Although almost entirely unheard of, hectoplasm is a critical link in the body’s humoro-nervous system. When this hectoplasm joins with any of the body’s natural supply of watha, the compound wathaheckoplasm is formed. Nobody really knows exactly wathahectoplasm does, but we can tell by the sheer length of its name that it is critically important.

As you can see, humorons are not just another spleen-tingling scientifical revelation brought to you by the Ominous Comma, (your preferred supplier of speculation, fabrication and other displays of intelligent humor) they are in fact a constant byproduct of human society. One that fuels and empowers humorists around the world in their irony-channeling efforts to restore sanity and balance to the world.

Contribute Your Humorons

So even if you are a dull-witted and obnoxious government functionary that couldn’t identity a joke in a police lineup, you can still feel good about yourself, knowing that your utter humor deficiency and sheer irony production are powering the humorists of the world to great feats of mockery.

Probably at your expense.

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