Way back at the beginning of our online adventure together, when I was writing the About the Author page, I made a solemn and binding promise to keep everyone updated on any new titles, adjectives, or insults applied to me.
I’ve noticed that no one has held me to that pledge, and where a wiser man would take that as a hint, I am choosing to interpret it as a challenge.
That’s right Comma enthusiasts, I am writing to inform you that I have gained a valuable new skill and received the accompanying title.
It is an impressive title, densely packed with copious quantities of honor and glory. A title so exalted that it could potentially cause my ego to exceed the confines of the earth, encompassing the atmosphere, magnetic fields, and satellites both natural and man-made in a shimmering haze of excessive pride if I were not so amazingly humble and well adjusted.
Today, I am officially declaring to anyone within the sound of my key clicks that I have become a Tree Wrangler.
I will pause briefly so you can be sufficiently impressed.
As a Tree Wrangler it was my responsibility to wrestle, articulate, actuate, and manipulate the evil mutant Christmas trees featured in the hit film1 Danger Couch and the Tinsel of Doom.
I know that although that many of you have never heard of Tree Wrangling before this moment, that you are nonetheless filled with a sudden and burning need watch these wrangled trees in action, no matter what the cost.
It should also be noted, in a belated attempt at accuracy, that I also acted, sang, danced, sweated, and emoted in the film, as well helping to write the thing.
If you like comedy, if ever wanted to put a face, voice, or body language to the words you find on this site, or even if you need some large and awkward coasters for your coffee table, allow me to suggest that you purchase a copy of the film to as an investment to treasure forever.
For those of you who have somehow traveled your life’s journey this far without ever experiencing Danger Couch in action, here is a link to one of the video episodes.
Watch out for the man in plaid, he’ll steal your heart.2
This post farmed out on work release by the kind deputes over at humor-blog.com