I don’t want to write right now.
And of all the many things I don’t want to write at this moment, I think what I most not want to write is this sentence right here.
I hate this sentence.
Everything about it.
Its length, its wording, that fact that it’s coming from my keyboard.
I despise it all.
And if there is anything on this entire planet that I hate more that that sentence up there, I think it must be this one right here.
Because the only thing worse than a despicable series of phrases, is a second one, drawing attention to the first.
In fact, it wouldn’t be too much to say that this entire article is fully loathsome from beginning to end.
So much so, I can’t believe I am still writing it.
But on I go, in a senseless display of literary self-torment.
I don’t do this merely because I am a sick and twisted individual, addicted to my own pain.
No it’s worse than that.
I do it because I practice a very specific type of masochism, known simply as Writing, and with this particular disorder the only thing worse than to indulge in it, is not to.
Don’t feel sorry for me, I have enough self-pity for us all.
That is all.
Back in the deep dark days of my childhood, before satellite, cable, or DVDs, back when even the VCR was just a gleam in some engineer’s eye, to be a science fiction fan was to be a Star Trek fan.
And for good reason.
The original Star Trek was a thing of beauty, so loaded with adventure, romance, and courage under fire, that young viewers never realized it was really an exercise in philosophy, exploring the violence, racism, and social conflict of its times.
But as deep and exciting as its storytelling often was, I think the real strength of the series was in what it didn’t tell. Unlike its successors, classic Trek usually resisted the temptation to over-explain.
As a viewer, you were always left wanting more. Wondering how transporters really worked, what powered an android, and what all those other little buttons on the console went to.
Unfortunately, starting with The Next Generation, the Star Trek franchise started shedding the adventure and wonder of its heritage and began a relentless journey deeper and deeper into its own head.
Where mystery once flirted, exposition now abounded. Every action got saddled with what seemed like hours of pseudo-scientific technobabble, to the point where roughly 25% of all available screen time got dedicated to the theoretical science behind any current crisis.
You couldn’t get fifteen minutes into an episode or feature film without one of Star Fleet’s finest saying something like,
“Maybe if we triggered a graviton pulse inversion with a double pike and served it with a side order of chronoton fluxuation in the aft sensor array, we could eventually find some action or at least return to speaking English sometime before the credits roll.”
Which brings me to my point.
Despite my earlier doubts and suspicions to the contrary, the new Star Trek movie officially rocks.
The action is back, the passion is back, and the wonder is at full strength.
This film takes the characters that we’ve loved for years, pays proper respect to their origins and motivations, and then breaks them free of the accumulated baggage and “fate” (i.e the accepted storylines of the Star Trek cannon) launching them into new and uncharted adventures.
This film has left me seriously stoked.
Final rating: Two thumbs on phasers set to “amaze.”
The last film Brent mentioned in these pages did not do so well. Check out this fair and balanced review of the most hideous waste of film ever spawned: Dragon Wars.
Although seldom acknowledged as such, the Ominous Comma is a fount of public service, providing information and inspiration to individuals from all walks of life. A perfect example of this is provided by that journalistic specialist know only as the Drive-by Blogger.
Taking the lessons provided by our own Herman Fording, he has provided the reading public with a rich and compelling monkey story, one far superior to the sad example provide by the Associated Press.
When asked for comment about his far retching reaching influence over the blogosphere, Fording replied, “As you can see, with perseverance and dedication, a truly talented journalist can aspire to the rare and coveted privilege of standing in my shadow.”
In your travels across the web, if any of you find further signs of Comma Content Influence or even a good monkey story, please forward them here so we can all bask in the glow of its radioactive warmth.