Putting The Economy In Motion – Buck-O-Quest: Part 2

Welcome to the second installment of Buck-O-Quest,1 the surprisingly continuous series dedicated to the stumbling U.S. economy and what you as a potentially impacted citizen can do to recover yourself out from underneath its ominously descending bulk.

We will begin today’s missive with a conveniently timed letter from one of our concerned readers.

Dear author,

The economy is really getting me down. I’ve never had what you would call steady employment, but with this recession things have been harder for me than ever.

In happier times I could always supplement my income by liquidating the assets of local banks and liquor stores. But ever since I suffered a debilitating trebuchet accident I have been confined to my recliner, living at the mercy of a former cell-mate and an array of absorbent undergarments.

What can I do to help regain my financial independence?

Benchly Setward

Folding Chair, AR


You are not alone. The sudden sagging of economic indicators combined with the recent increase in catapult-based security systems has propelled a large number of former criminals into desperate financial straits.

Fortunately there are resources available for disabled felons like yourself, to assist you in your quest to put sizable chucks of U.S. currency back in motion.

Economic Mobility

A growing number of companies have entered the ambulation-impaired Armed Robbery Accessory Market. Some early product entries include: armor plated wheelchairs, gurney mounted chain guns, and specially trained safe-cracking robotic chihuahuas.

Between ever expanding merchandise offerings and special recession financing, I am confident that there is an affordable assault package right for you. With the help of your local medical arms dealer, you’ll be out terrorizing your neighborhood in no time.


If you have questions for your author, it’s you own fault. You’ve had plenty of opportunity to get them off your chest by now. Still, it’s never too late to ask. Contact me at my slick and highly impressive contact page.

In the meantime, stick around. Not since last year’s Blogging Week have I had a train of thought travel so far without derailment. This could very well set a record. Or a precedent. Or possibly even a fire. So whatever you do, don’t miss the next ironon fortified serving of this profusely fact-starved series.

To receive my next stunning contribution to world literature in your email inbox click this link.

Or receive it in your favorite feed reader by clicking this one.

Or if you’re not up to that level of commitment, you can play the field of eligible Buck-O-Quest advices here:
Part 1- Taking Economic Recovery For A Spin
Part 2- Putting The Economy In Motion
Part 3 – Shoring Up Liquid Assets
Part 4 – The Buck Stops at Last
Bonus – What The Promised Recession Means To You
Bonus 2 – Stimulus Package Video

  1. Okay, I admit that I had never given the series a name before this very moment, but due to the Orwellian possibilities of the internet, by the time you check the previous post, it will have been there the whole time.


Rouge Agent Flips Canada The Bucket

The Fording Report:
A Herman Fording exclusive.

In a shocking, gratuitous, and hopefully award winning display of international impropriety, survivalist and blog-stalker Christopher NotSee, has confessed to assaulting the nation of Canada with former rap star M.C. Hammer.

French for “Bucket of refuse” the trebuchet has long been used to demoralize enemies…

According to reliably verbose sources, NotSee, an ex-marine and serial commenter, propelled the aging performer into Canadian airspace with the assistance of a household trebuchet.

Hammer, best known for his brief fame and visually painful costumes, is rumored to have encountered NotSee while seeking assistance re-launching his stalled career. Sources close to the artist have been unavailable for comment, trapped deep in the gravity well of the artist’s pantsware.

…And dispose of clutter

French for “Bucket of refuse” the trebuchet has long been used to demoralize enemies and dispose of clutter. Medieval propulsion specialist, Joseph Phlengham went on record saying, “This is just the sort of thing the trebuchet is made for, the real surprise is that no one thought of it sooner.”


“Another Job Well Done.”

Although in diplomatic circles the lobbing of faded rap stars is considered a rude gesture, Canada is taking it well.

“Mr. Hammer is not the problem,” said Canadian Cultural Attaché, Marvin Bently, “We love him up here. His hit song Can’t Touch This has even been translated into French by the Ministry of Reproduction, so that every citizen can properly enjoy it. The uproar is strictly about his pants.”

Long the target of boycotts and sanctions, Hammer’s pants are indeed a problem, they are considered so detrimental to national self respect and diplomatic prestige that they have been deemed Trousers of Class Destruction.

Canadian officials are understandably reluctant to harbor a garment of such catastrophic potential but are uncertain how to contain the situation. “We’ve lost three weapons inspectors, four U.N. pantskeepers, and two-dozen news anchors to the slacks so far,” said Bently, “and frankly, we’re begin to worry about the trousers reaching critical mass. There is just no telling how many people could be in there.”


The Only Known Pants With Their Own Event Horizon

This has been a Herman Fording special report, presented by the Dissociated Press.

We will keep you apprised of this Pulitzer-worthy situation as it unfolds.

Don’t miss Herman Fording’s last desperate attempt at journalism:
Cetaceans Strike Back – Terror From the Deep