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Annual Festival of Jarhead Inebriation

Tomorrow is November 10th also known as the Annual Festival of Jarhead Inebriation.

As such, thousand of Marines will lift a glass or twelve to celebrate the 229th birthday of the United States Marine Corps. Barking noises and random vowel sounds will probably also be uttered, in a time-honored expression of otherwise inexpressible maritime delight…

marine-corp-keg.jpg

Tomorrow is November 10th also known as the Annual Festival of Jarhead Inebriation.

As such, thousand of Marines will lift a glass or twelve to celebrate the 229th birthday of the United States Marine Corps. Barking noises and random vowel sounds will probably also be uttered, in a time-honored expression of otherwise inexpressible maritime delight.

marine-corp-keg.jpg

Those that feel that public and prolonged drunkenness may not be the most appropriate way to celebrate such an advanced age are not necessarily naïve. They are simply unaware of the finer points of Marine Corps history.

The illustrious United States Marine Corps, like many other fine militant organizations, was formed in a bar. Early job qualification included surliness of demeanor, advanced degree of pistitude, and propensity for standing in harm’s way. Being musket-proof was also considered a great advantage, but not one widely tested outside of battle.

The duties of the early jarheads included guarding the ship’s captain, enforcing the orders of the ships’ captain, striking terror into people not currently the ship’s captain and keeping their boots shiny.

You won’t find it in many history books, but if there is one thing that I learned from my many military adventures, it is that nothing strikes terror into the heart of an enemy like a mean pair of shiny boots.

At this point, some of the more thorough-thinking readers will not doubt be asking, “Why wear such a nicely camouflaged uniform as modern Marines do, if you’re just going to polish your footwear to the point that it could serve as speed-laced solar reflectors?”

Allow me to assure you, from personal experience, that questions of this nature are basically unappreciated by Marine Corps hierarchy. In fact, questions exceeding “How high?” in word count and level of abstraction are generally frowned upon.

marines.jpg

“Why?!!! Did I hear the word why emerge from your lips?!!!”

What is not frowned upon is promptness and punctuality. One tenet of Marine Corps doctrine is that, “Being on time is being late. You should be at least 15 minutes early to everything.”

This is exactly the sort of thinking that led to the U.S. Marine Corps to be founded a solid year before the county itself. Which basically confused everyone:

Early Civilian: What are you doing?
Early Jarhead: Defending the country.
Early Civilian: But it’s only 1775, we’re still British colonies.
Early Jarhead: It’s called being proactive!
Early Civilian: Oh. (slowly backing away, being careful not to make any sudden or threatening movements.)

This very same proactivity is alive and sounding-off in today’s 21st century Marine Corps, and is no doubt being used somewhere at this very moment to justify an early commencement of Birthday festivities.

So as leathernecks far and wide promptly embark upon this fine celebratory debauch, I have only one piece of advice for you:

Keep both hands on your refreshing beverage, especially once the dancing starts. You wouldn’t want to spill it on your boots.

This post can be found happily marching across humor-blogs.com

32 replies on “Annual Festival of Jarhead Inebriation”

The shiny boots are used as lasers to blind the eyes of the enemy to their movements. It is a necessary weapon.

Along those lines, why did we press our cammies until they could be used as buffet tables when they were tactical gear, and the crinkling of sta-flo would alert any enemies within a 3 mile radius?

Semper, devil. Drink a few for me, I’ll be in a cabin… with the inlaws… all weekend… for no good reason.

Just remember, the Marines didn’t exist until after the Navy decided they needed something amusing to laugh at on long voyages.

Seriously, Semper Fi!

Very funny!

I have fond memories of my cousin singing some silly but catchy Marine marching cadence…

Happy birthday mutt face. I’ll be celebrating the Corps b-day by taking a very long drive down south. Semper Fi

I’ve been here before and enjoyed a few of your posts. But I thought I’d share my regards to the fellow winners of Lord Likely’s Golden Cock of Excellence. Keep up the good work.

So shiny boots eh? It is all so clear now…

How to defeat the enemy: Blind him into submission with our ubershiny boots… I mean is that genius or what:)

And the founding of jarheads(hey I suck at terminology so roll with it,lol) thing was hilarious dude… “being proactive….” he says…

Actually it was so hilarious that I just added your blog to my links… Yeah I know, I got poor taste and all but what can you do… such are the ways of the Merc with a mouth:)

Take care!

How dare you insult God, your country and your momma by questioning why a marine shines his boots?! I ought to plant my foot so far up your 4th point of contact that you see it when you brush your teeth!

Hit the deck solder! I want you doing push-ups until MY arms get tired!

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