There are many reasons why you might want to contact the cunning and impressively modest author of The Ominous Comma: to praise his genius, demand payment for an overdue library book, or request permission to name your first born child after him.

You may also have a question that you wish to Ask The Author.

It’s possible that you may even desire to Ask Doctor Toboggans something. But we wouldn’t recommend it.

You can also request a complimentary Berating of Character Faults from our staff of derogatorial professionals.

But whatever brings you here, it is clearly a sign of desperation. And we find that quite charming in a reader.