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Webster’s To Reclassify “Nuclear” As Two Syllable Word

Cleveland- Dictionary publisher Webster’s Inc. today announced that it will reclassify ‘nuclear’ as a two syllable word. Company owner, John Q. Webster, great grandson of original dictionary author Nathaniel Webster, said that the move was “natural and logical, in keeping with popular usage, and in no way connected with the large number of armed men occupying our office…”

Satire

CEO Gets Severance After 45 Minute Stint

Chicago- Dynateknomatic CEO, Lance Corpuscle, resigned yesterday after holding the job for a little over forty-five minutes. He is scheduled to receive a $210 million severance package for what a Dynateknomatic spokesman called “his long commitment to this company…”

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