Categories
Satire

Google Acquires Luxembourg


Mountain View, CA – In a surprise announcement internet powerhouse Google today revealed that it had acquired the western European country of Luxembourg…

News Lite:
98% Less Factual Information Than Regular News

Mountain View, CA – In a surprise announcement internet powerhouse Google today revealed that it had acquired the western European country of Luxembourg.

luxembourg.gif

According to European sources, Luxembourgians are enthusiastic about the buyout hoping that Google will bring its highly touted financial and connectivity resources to the aid of the landlocked nation. Prime Minister Jean-Claude Juncker was quoted as saying, “If we must be enveloped by larger powers, at least we can now chose those powers.”

Google gave no indication of what possible use the search engine giant could have for a small country, but speculators have begun to fear a software industry land-grab as hours later Microsoft announced that it was in the process of acquiring the African nation of Lesotho.

—–

This report brought to you by:

The Amalgamated Assembly of Stammering Stockbrokers
“It’s not just a job, it’s torture.”

Previous story: Steam Cleaner Charged With Brainwashing

23 replies on “Google Acquires Luxembourg”

Brent,
This land buy out is disturbing. I just heard that Apple has acquired Micronesia and will be renaming Nanonesia and marketing it as the Ivacation destination.

would that now be the country of Luxemgoogle?

or would it be Googlebourg?

What do you call the people living there?

(I vote for Luxemgoogleputians)

John O.

You are so funny. I really love Luxemgoogle.

Chris,
Where is Micronesia?

Brent,
I am disturbed that you shave your legs. Where you ever an atheletic swimmer?

Peter,
Thank you, please come back any time.

Chris,
What I would love to see from Apple is iLand. Just imagine what Mac magic they could perform on simple dirt.

John O.
I think you’re on to something with Googlebourg, but a more accurate spelling might be GoogleBorg.

As in, “You will be assimilated, your individual distinctiveness will be added to our own. Resistance is futile.”

Lynn,
I was never a swimmer, just a ballroom dancer.

I tell you Brent, it really seems you are able to come up with funny ideas effortlessly although I know better. I have to eat so many pints of ice cream and smoke so many camels. (just kidding I eat the camels and smoke the ice cream) okay, not true I just imagined my strong writer self would be a chain smoker…okay I am starting to become like the other little commas I don’t know what this comment has to do with anything…. help…

See, my prediction of the future, Planet Google has already begun!!

I think their next acquisition is the travel industry.

Take your kids to Googleville! Sit in our internet cafe and research obscure things! Find out what the ‘I’m feeling Lucky’ button does!

A ballroom dancer? Wow. Tell me again why they have to shave their legs? I thought they all wore pants.

Debbie,
I have not seen a single little comma from you today. I hope that the flooding in the midwest has not gotten you. You really shouldn’t worry us like this. It is really not very polite.

RJ,
Thank you. You know full well about the “effortlessness” of writing. You also seem to know some unusual uses for ice cream. So do I need to build a special device to smoke the ice cream? What flavor works best? Do you ever eat the camels with ice cream, maybe ground up as a topping?

Chris Cameron,
Don’t forget the Times Square inspired banner ads beaming from every unused surface at Goggleville. How refreshing it would be to shop for viagra and diet aids while waiting in line for the next ride.

That’s what I call multitasking.

Lynn,
I’ve already said too much about my ill advised dancing career.

As for Debbie, she is probable just letting everyone else catch up with her in sheer number of comments.

I’m hearing some buzz about YaHoo! being in negotiations with RJ, about aquiring the ICS technology. Not surprisingly, Apple is claiming trademark i-fringment, stating that something as simple as a broken caps lock key would confusion between ICS (IceCreamSmoking) and their own product, iCS (i Cee Stupidity)

But that’s just the buzz. I know notheeng.

Lynn,

I’m here. I’ve had littlecommaitis. I’m feeling much better now. Thanks for your concern.

Brent,

Still nursing my “get a life” wound. Littlecommaville can be brutal. (smirk)

Debbie,
Oh, I am so relieved. I was very worried. You know my blood pressure does not need a boost. At my age it is best not to excite the heart too much. Thank you so much. I appreciate the sweet compliment, but I appreciate the little compliment better. I haven’t been called little in years! Yeah! Have a fantabulous day.

Comments are closed.