Google Acquires Luxembourg

by Brent on June 22, 2007

in Satire

News Lite:
98% Less Factual Information Than Regular News

Mountain View, CA – In a surprise announcement internet powerhouse Google today revealed that it had acquired the western European country of Luxembourg.

luxembourg.gif

According to European sources, Luxembourgians are enthusiastic about the buyout hoping that Google will bring its highly touted financial and connectivity resources to the aid of the landlocked nation. Prime Minister Jean-Claude Juncker was quoted as saying, “If we must be enveloped by larger powers, at least we can now chose those powers.”

Google gave no indication of what possible use the search engine giant could have for a small country, but speculators have begun to fear a software industry land-grab as hours later Microsoft announced that it was in the process of acquiring the African nation of Lesotho.

—–

This report brought to you by:

The Amalgamated Assembly of Stammering Stockbrokers
“It’s not just a job, it’s torture.”

-

Previous story: Steam Cleaner Charged With Brainwashing

{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }

Peter June 22, 2007 at 8:53 am

Good one I enjoyed it

Reply

rjlight June 22, 2007 at 10:46 am

Hmm. both you and Diesel have maps on your blogs this week. Did I miss the email?

Reply

Brent June 22, 2007 at 11:10 am

How awkward, I feel like we both wore the same dress to the party.

In hindsight, I probably should have shaved my legs.

Reply

Chris June 22, 2007 at 11:23 am

Brent,
This land buy out is disturbing. I just heard that Apple has acquired Micronesia and will be renaming Nanonesia and marketing it as the Ivacation destination.

Reply

John O. June 22, 2007 at 1:26 pm

would that now be the country of Luxemgoogle?

or would it be Googlebourg?

What do you call the people living there?

(I vote for Luxemgoogleputians)

John O.

Reply

Lynn June 22, 2007 at 2:36 pm

You are so funny. I really love Luxemgoogle.

Chris,
Where is Micronesia?

Brent,
I am disturbed that you shave your legs. Where you ever an atheletic swimmer?

Reply

Lynn June 22, 2007 at 2:49 pm

This sounds like a Fording story. I imagine he is not far away.

Reply

Brent June 22, 2007 at 10:51 pm

Peter,
Thank you, please come back any time.

Chris,
What I would love to see from Apple is iLand. Just imagine what Mac magic they could perform on simple dirt.

John O.
I think you’re on to something with Googlebourg, but a more accurate spelling might be GoogleBorg.

As in, “You will be assimilated, your individual distinctiveness will be added to our own. Resistance is futile.”

Lynn,
I was never a swimmer, just a ballroom dancer.

Reply

rjlight June 22, 2007 at 10:53 pm

I tell you Brent, it really seems you are able to come up with funny ideas effortlessly although I know better. I have to eat so many pints of ice cream and smoke so many camels. (just kidding I eat the camels and smoke the ice cream) okay, not true I just imagined my strong writer self would be a chain smoker…okay I am starting to become like the other little commas I don’t know what this comment has to do with anything…. help…

Reply

Chris Cameron June 22, 2007 at 10:56 pm

See, my prediction of the future, Planet Google has already begun!!

I think their next acquisition is the travel industry.

Take your kids to Googleville! Sit in our internet cafe and research obscure things! Find out what the ‘I’m feeling Lucky’ button does!

Reply

Lynn June 23, 2007 at 1:55 am

A ballroom dancer? Wow. Tell me again why they have to shave their legs? I thought they all wore pants.

Reply

Lynn June 23, 2007 at 2:02 am

Debbie,
I have not seen a single little comma from you today. I hope that the flooding in the midwest has not gotten you. You really shouldn’t worry us like this. It is really not very polite.

Reply

Brent June 23, 2007 at 9:38 am

RJ,
Thank you. You know full well about the “effortlessness” of writing. You also seem to know some unusual uses for ice cream. So do I need to build a special device to smoke the ice cream? What flavor works best? Do you ever eat the camels with ice cream, maybe ground up as a topping?

Reply

Brent June 23, 2007 at 9:43 am

Chris Cameron,
Don’t forget the Times Square inspired banner ads beaming from every unused surface at Goggleville. How refreshing it would be to shop for viagra and diet aids while waiting in line for the next ride.

That’s what I call multitasking.

Reply

Brent June 23, 2007 at 9:46 am

Lynn,
I’ve already said too much about my ill advised dancing career.

As for Debbie, she is probable just letting everyone else catch up with her in sheer number of comments.

Reply

MT June 23, 2007 at 4:59 pm

I’m hearing some buzz about YaHoo! being in negotiations with RJ, about aquiring the ICS technology. Not surprisingly, Apple is claiming trademark i-fringment, stating that something as simple as a broken caps lock key would confusion between ICS (IceCreamSmoking) and their own product, iCS (i Cee Stupidity)

But that’s just the buzz. I know notheeng.

Reply

rjlight June 24, 2007 at 2:52 pm

MT – it’s already in the press?????

Reply

Lynn June 25, 2007 at 1:35 am

Debbie, Debbie, Debbie! We want Debbie! Debbie, Debbie, Debbie!

Reply

Debbie June 25, 2007 at 9:41 am

Lynn,

I’m here. I’ve had littlecommaitis. I’m feeling much better now. Thanks for your concern.

Brent,

Still nursing my “get a life” wound. Littlecommaville can be brutal. (smirk)

Reply

Debbie June 25, 2007 at 12:11 pm

Did I mention Lynn is the sweetest little comma ever? Well, she is.

Reply

Lynn June 26, 2007 at 2:15 am

Debbie,
Oh, I am so relieved. I was very worried. You know my blood pressure does not need a boost. At my age it is best not to excite the heart too much. Thank you so much. I appreciate the sweet compliment, but I appreciate the little compliment better. I haven’t been called little in years! Yeah! Have a fantabulous day.

Reply

E.P. Wintergreen June 28, 2007 at 10:57 am

Great minds do think alike, apparently.

Reply

Leave a Comment

{ 1 trackback }

Random Posts

Loading...