98% Less Factual Information Than Regular News
Key West - The Institute of Cognitive Institutions today announce that longtime psychological model Maslow’s Pyramid has been revised by the Institute’s board of review, replacing self actualization with chocolate as humanity‘s greatest need.
Created by Abraham Maslow, the pyramid describes the progressive nature of human motivations, starting with basic needs like food and safety near the bottom and moving to progressively higher needs as each one is met. In the original model, self-esteem needs were followed by self-actualization which included accepting individual weaknesses, being unafraid of failure and transcending selfish interests.
“Chocolate was a better fit,” said Institute Director George T. Rutabaga, “self-actualization was just too difficult for most people, so we chose something easier, to help individuals achieve a sense of accomplishment in their personal development.”
Rutabaga describes chocolate as having what psychologists refer to a “pull-up effect” on the other needs. “Hungry? Eat chocolate. Insecure? More chocolate. Unloved? Low self esteem? Chocolate, more chocolate and suddenly you are at the top of the pyramid. This is truly a breakthrough in psychology. ”
Although many psychologists oppose the move, citing psychoanalysis as humanity’s greatest need, recent studies seem to support the ICI decision, linking chocolate intolerance with aggression, warfare and political aspirations.
This report brought to you by:
The Association of Schizophrenic Legislators
“Providing our own majority since 1995.”
Next story: Steam Cleaner Charged With Brainwashing
Previous Story: Pharmaceutical Companies Send Troop Surge to Secure Border