98% Less Factual Information Than Regular News
Key West – The Institute of Cognitive Institutions today announce that longtime psychological model Maslowâ€™s Pyramid has been revised by the Instituteâ€™s board of review, replacing self actualization with chocolate as humanityâ€˜s greatest need.
Created by Abraham Maslow, the pyramid describes the progressive nature of human motivations, starting with basic needs like food and safety near the bottom and moving to progressively higher needs as each one is met. In the original model, self-esteem needs were followed by self-actualization which included accepting individual weaknesses, being unafraid of failure and transcending selfish interests.
â€œChocolate was a better fit,â€ said Institute Director George T. Rutabaga, â€œself-actualization was just too difficult for most people, so we chose something easier, to help individuals achieve a sense of accomplishment in their personal development.â€
Rutabaga describes chocolate as having what psychologists refer to a â€œpull-up effectâ€ on the other needs. â€œHungry? Eat chocolate. Insecure? More chocolate. Unloved? Low self esteem? Chocolate, more chocolate and suddenly you are at the top of the pyramid. This is truly a breakthrough in psychology. â€
Although many psychologists oppose the move, citing psychoanalysis as humanityâ€™s greatest need, recent studies seem to support the ICI decision, linking chocolate intolerance with aggression, warfare and political aspirations.
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Finally, some truth for humanity. Women and chocoholics everywhere can finally feel normal. I don’t understand how this truly fundamental concept of human psychology and the human condition could have been unrealised for so long, but at least now there will be no shame in chocolate-gorging, and the term “over-indulgence”, at least as it refers to chocolate, can eventually become a laughable, if not lamentable memory of past ignorance.
Thank you, Dr. Rutabega!
Will you also be making 17 posts in April as you have in Feb and March? I note that you have begun a trend and am wondering if you will keep it up.
Some of us with OCD might become unhooked if you began to have a differing number.
Please don’t start playing with us now.
Also, is there a significance to the number 17? If not could there be? I note that number 17 in the grammar gym deals with commas. Could this be your occult illusion?
You realize that Dr. Parsnips wanted to replace self-actualization with ice cream; however, Maslow had lactose intolerance so in respect of his dairy problems Dr. Rutabega suggested chocolate and you know the rest of the story…
I did think of you and ice cream when I ‘discovered’ this story. I’m afraid the ice cream would melt and run down the pyramid.
You have finally discovered my secret. It is all a gigantic grammatical conspiracy. Unfortunately for you, you know too much and must be silenced.
Adhesi-core it is!
Is there really such a thing as too much chocolate?
I think not.
Stuffing my face with a yummy Mr. Goodbar (no joke), I would have to agree!!!
â€œThe Institute of Cognitive Institutionsâ€¦â€ Ha!! I love it!!
DONâ€™T FORGET TO CRUISE ON OVER TO THE BLOGGERâ€™S CHOICE AWARDS AND VOTE FOR YOUR FAVORITE BLOGSâ€¦AHEMâ€¦THIS ONE MOST IMPORTANTLY.
Not sure this solicitation is proper blog etiquette but I donâ€™t careâ€¦Iâ€™m a blog snob and this one is my favorite.
Debbie– tell me you don’t eat Mr. Goodbars — you must upgrade your chocolate to truly meet your needs!
Brent — yes, I did forget about the melting factor — you are correct it would slide all over the other needs covering them up and confusing us…
the needs of humanity covered in ice cream…
Iâ€™m a simple girl RJ. I did, however, indulge in some divine chocolate during my travels to Europe. Could that be the reason Europeans define themselves as far more enlightened than Americans? Itâ€™s all in the chocolate…
I think you two are on to something.
This could be a whole new post, GNP replaced by National Chocolate Product as the defining factor of significant global contribution.
What a beautiful world it would be. And tasty too.
You guys have all made me extremely hungry. Dr. T has not let me have any chocolate while in prison. Debbie, could you please sneak some in through a book or something for me?
Please tell Dr. T and Daniel that I am close to a breakthrough and that they better be ready!
Iâ€™ll sneak some Godiva in one of Docâ€™s earlier masterpiecesâ€¦that way you can have fun doodling on his picture!
Thank you for so much for the chocolate. rjlight bombed with the ice cream, so now that my blood sugar is up a little and I have had my doodling fun, can we please get me out of here? I know that you can come up with something good.
Be careful! Dr. T is watching you. He has ears everywhere!
So many possibilities Maslov overlooked… but chocolate will do for now.
I’m a student of Imus Institute.
It explained my assignment easier.Now I found out that sweetness can do a lot.
To my schoolmates of Imus Institutes who will raed this i suggest you better write some comments also..=)
Izza of 4-FLUORINIANS
What a perfect Pyramid for describing the progressive nature of human.Many thanks Abraham for this.I enjoyed and also completely agree with your thoughts.