Categories
Satire

Refund Offered For Unused Turn Signals

Memphis– Representatives from six major automakers met with the Memphis Area Recycling Service today to conclude negotiations on turn a signal recycling agreement. With sales in a continuing slump, auto manufacturers are seeking new opportunities to cut costs and increase profits. “We are very excited about the potential of this deal,” said Toyota representative, Rick Spudnicker, “Memphis has a staggering wealth of unused turn signals…”

News Lite:
98% Less Factual Information Than Regular News

Memphis– Representatives from six major automakers met with the Memphis Area Recycling Service today to conclude negotiations on turn a signal recycling agreement. With sales in a continuing slump, auto manufacturers are seeking new opportunities to cut costs and increase profits. “We are very excited about the potential of this deal,” said Toyota representative, Rick Spudnicker, “Memphis has a staggering wealth of unused turn signals.”

Car owners are being asked to remove their own turn signals and bring them to collection points located all over the city. Refund amounts range between $50 and $200 depending on the make and models of the vehicle. “We couldn’t do this is most communities,” said Spudnicker, “but here in Memphis, these turn signals will never be missed.”

This report brought to by

The Endowment for the Mentally Endowed
“Because smart people need jobs too.”

–

Next Story: Driver Ordered To Attend Arrow Literacy Course
Previous story: Webster’s To Reclassify ‘Nuclear’ As Two Syllable Word

Related posts:
  1. Webster’s To Reclassify ‘Nuclear’ As Two Syllable Word
  2. Driver Ordered To Attend Arrow Literacy Course
  3. Maslov’s Pyramid Revised
  4. Pharmaceutical Companies Send Troop Surge to Secure Border
  5. The Biggest Secret of the Federal Reserve, Exposed!

6 replies on “Refund Offered For Unused Turn Signals”

I received $129.50 for my turn signals. The only bad part of the deal was that I had to remove them myself and getting past the cobwebs was unsanitary.

Congratulations on your windfall profit. In the future however, you should leave all turn signal maintenance to trained professionals. Someone with your apparent lack of turn signal handling experience runs a high risk of wrist sprains and severe blinkey-trauma.

Worse than that, no ER will even treat your injuries if you come in trailing turn signal spiderwebs. It’s just too dangerous for them.

And in the interest of further profit, the reconditioned turn signals can be sold to the folks who wear theirs out because they never turn them off. ;0)

Visiting from the Southern Fried Carnival and glad to be here. Thanks for the laugh!

This is a test of my new commenting system. This is only a test.

Nothing to see here citizens return to your homes.

Comments are closed.