I want to apologize to all of my readers. To those currently engrossed in this article, to those yet to discover this blog, and even to those whose best attempts at reading so far have been limited to glassy stares in the direction of diaper packaging.
I have let you all down.
Approximately one year ago I informed you that I had discovered the secret of the U.S. economy…
Approximately one year ago I informed you that I had discovered the secret of the U.S. economy. I assured you that it was a relatively uncomplicated matter and, due to its simplicity and security, that you needn’t worry yourselves too much about it.
More specifically, I revealed to the members of the Comma-reading public that despite its complex appearance, the national financial system was in fact controlled entirely by a small fan.
Well, now the economy is suffering and I feel responsible.
Yes, it seems that our own Doctor Harold Toboggans1 who has several patients within the upper echelons of the federal fiduciary community, used his undue influence to borrow the Fan of State for his own nefarious purposes and in doing so, broke it.
It must be realized that the Economy Fan is a delicate instrument, designed for the rarified air of upper level economic circles; it was never intended to handle the extreme pressures of ego inflation, especially those of an obesely overblown ego like that possessed by Dr. Toboggans.
Being the individual responsible for introducing the doctor’s analytical arrogance to the world, I must assume some blame for this tragic turn of events.2
And so in an effort to help mitigate this whole unpleasant mess, I am launching an invigorating multi-part series dedicated to the prospect of worldwide economic betterment.
Watch this space for the next adrenalizing installment of this series, Buck-O-Quest, coming urgently soon.
(Or you could skip the whole suspenseful vigil and just subscribe to the Comma in a feedreader or by email.)
(Or not, it’s up to you.)
Suspense over. Here’s the entire Buck-O-Quest series for your perusal.
Part 1- Taking Economic Recovery For A Spin
Part 2- Putting The Economy In Motion
Part 3 – Shoring Up Liquid Assets
Part 4 – The Buck Stops at Last
Bonus – What The Promised Recession Means To You
Bonus 2 – Stimulus Package Video
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This post can be found stimulating circulation over at humor-blogs.com
- The phrase “our own Doctor Toboggans” in this context does not denote pride or ownership but merely an unpleasant and unavoidable association, such as found between men and woman, men and remotes, and Mississippi and deep fried Twinkies. ↩
- No legal liability is admitted or implied by this statement, please adhere to all applicable lawyer restraint codes and frivolous litigation restrictions. Please keep your attorney on a leash unless posted. ↩
It’s for reasons just like this that I am seriously considering going with the tapeworm.
Oh you can lend them anything can you, Never trust a Dr with a moustache… unless of course its Dr Mario…
Fix it quick! I hear the current administration is currently using a garbage disposal as a substitute.
I actually guffawed at the economy fan picture. I never knew what a guffaw was before, but now I do. Thank you.
The other day I was trying to carry a bucket of kitty litter and having a devil of a time, so I stopped and looked at the label, and sure enough, it said that it was “non-conveyable.”
ryc: Magic is addictive my friend. And so are brownies. Put them together and you’re playing with fire. Delicious fire.
I’ve got a small fan the government can borrow. I’m not really using it. They just better get it back to me come summertime.
I tried taking Economic Responsibility for a spin once, but it complained of dizziness and I had to pull over. Perhaps if the good Doctor would simply offer his fan-base free samples of Dramamine all would be well?
Brent,
The solution is easy. Just tell Dr. T that if he does not give the fan back then none of his patients will be able to pay him.
I only like Dr. Toboggans because we have matching widow’s peak hairlines. I don’t really focus in much on what he’s saying because I keep thinking that if we both dyeed our hair black we could go as Micky and Minnie Mouse for Halloween sometime.
And by “dyeed” I really mean, dyed.
You know, The Cutting Crew sang about it. “Oh why, I just dyed in your arms tonight.” I think that song is about a guy dying his woman’s arm hair, blonde so people don’t keep mistaking her for the Missing Link. Just a theory.
You know, I figured you had a lot on your plate and I didn’t want to burden you with the whole “economy” thing. I usually don’t point fingers but….
nice picture. i think you might be joining the hot sexy bald men club sooner than you think.
I heard that the fan also is a Chinese import and may contain lead.
You’re the dose of humor this country needs on a DAILY basis! :-D
Very very funny!!!!!!!