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Droll Humor?

Recently I was accused of being droll.

Not this blog mind you, or even the various characters and personas I have populated it with, but me, my very own personal self.

Droll.

Brent Diggs offers up a droll facial expression

If there is anything that gets my dander up and marching around,1 it’s being labeled with terms so offensive, so clearly and blatantly derogatory that even I don’t know what they mean.

So in spite of strict vows intellectual pacifism, I undertook the most strenuous research methods at my disposal to fathom the enigmatic mystery known as droll.

After several second of diligent mousework I wiped the sweat from my wrist and basked in the glow of discovery.2 After a brief post-investigative nap, I read through the symptoms as presented by the vocabulary professionals of Dictionary.com:

Drolladjective. amusing in an odd way; whimsical; waggish.

Could it be? Was it possible that The Ominous Comma and myself its erstwhile creator were in fact suffering from the insidious effects of droll humor?

So severe were the consequences of this implication that I sought out a second opinion, and after a couple more clicks of grueling research the lexiconary specialists at Wikipedia confirmed the diagnosis:

Droll Humor -an often dry, witty form of humor that elicits laughs through amusingly odd, sometimes zany behavior or speech.

They those same experts went to on to illustrate the sufferings of well known victims like Steven Wright and John Cleese, never once hinting at a cure.

I was stunned. I didn’t know how to live with such self-knowledge, or myself after having discovered it. My only hope lay with the experimental psychological research of the late Doctor Harold Toboggans3whose cutting-edge Third Person Repressionary Hypnosis therapy I hoped would give me my one shot at pulling through this crisis without permanent damage.

Snatching at the fragments of memory, I hastily assembled my best approximation of the Doctor’s radical self-programming technique.

I helped myself to several cleansing breaths and a shot of scrubbing bubbles. Then as I gazed convincingly into the mirror, I began the chant:

“Brent Diggs has droll humor – Brent Diggs is droll.”

The moral of the story I began to realize–

“Brent Diggs has droll humor – Brent Diggs is droll.”

Is that any time you set out upon a voyage of self discovery-

“Brent Diggs has droll humor – Brent Diggs is droll.”

Be sure to thoroughly check your itinerary.

“Brent Diggs is…”

—–

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  1. After years of clinical research it is still unclear what role dander plays in the rageification process, but experts agree that it should definitely get top billing.
  2. For extended basking I recommend Toboggans Industries Discovery Screen made with actual pieces of ignorance to filter and protect your delicate tissues from the ravages of eureka-band radiation.
  3. I don’t know for sure that he is dead, but whatever state he’s in, he is very, very tardy to several counseling appointments.

Taking Economic Responsibility For A Spin

I want to apologize to all of my readers. To those currently engrossed in this article, to those yet to discover this blog, and even to those whose best attempts at reading so far have been limited to glassy stares in the direction of diaper packaging.

I have let you all down.

Approximately one year ago I informed you that I had discovered the secret of the U.S. economy…

Approximately one year ago I informed you that I had discovered the secret of the U.S. economy. I assured you that it was a relatively uncomplicated matter and, due to its simplicity and security, that you needn’t worry yourselves too much about it.

More specifically, I revealed to the members of the Comma-reading public that despite its complex appearance, the national financial system was in fact controlled entirely by a small fan.

Well, now the economy is suffering and I feel responsible.

Yes, it seems that our own Doctor Harold Toboggans1 who has several patients within the upper echelons of the federal fiduciary community, used his undue influence to borrow the Fan of State for his own nefarious purposes and in doing so, broke it.

It must be realized that the Economy Fan is a delicate instrument, designed for the rarified air of upper level economic circles; it was never intended to handle the extreme pressures of ego inflation, especially those of an obesely overblown ego like that possessed by Dr. Toboggans.

Hand over the fan and no one gets hurt.

Being the individual responsible for introducing the doctor’s analytical arrogance to the world, I must assume some blame for this tragic turn of events.2

And so in an effort to help mitigate this whole unpleasant mess, I am launching an invigorating multi-part series dedicated to the prospect of worldwide economic betterment.

Watch this space for the next adrenalizing installment of this series, Buck-O-Quest, coming urgently soon.

(Or you could skip the whole suspenseful vigil and just subscribe to the Comma in a feedreader or by email.)

(Or not, it’s up to you.)

Suspense over. Here’s the entire Buck-O-Quest series for your perusal.
Part 1- Taking Economic Recovery For A Spin
Part 2- Putting The Economy In Motion
Part 3 – Shoring Up Liquid Assets
Part 4 – The Buck Stops at Last
Bonus – What The Promised Recession Means To You
Bonus 2 – Stimulus Package Video

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This post can be found stimulating circulation over at humor-blogs.com

  1. The phrase “our own Doctor Toboggans” in this context does not denote pride or ownership but merely an unpleasant and unavoidable association, such as found between men and woman, men and remotes, and Mississippi and deep fried Twinkies.
  2. No legal liability is admitted or implied by this statement, please adhere to all applicable lawyer restraint codes and frivolous litigation restrictions. Please keep your attorney on a leash unless posted.

Say – From Docotor Harold Toboggans

Today’s demonstration of tact:

Doctor Harold Toboggans witty humor and funny psychology snarking

I wouldn’t say you’re stupid,
but I would definitely think it
.”

—-

Next session: Technique
Previous session: Relapse
Learn more about Dr. Toboggans and his snarktasticly funny psychology.

Another service of the Ominous Comma, the first, middle1, and last name in intelligent humor.

  1. Use of the middle name does not necessarily constitute parental disciplinary measures, but it is strongly implied.