If you’re young, or merely masochistic, you may be considering a career in corporate America.
In light of the self-destructive nature of this decision, you would be right to wonder, “Am I stupid? What if I’m not smart enough to make it in the corporate world?â€
If you suffer these misgivings, you are definitely over-thinking the situation, which is a habit you will have to cease if you are to succeed in a hierarchical organization.
The truth is that although some individuals are too smart to participate in corporate life, very few people are too stupid to receive admission into the hallowed halls of business.
How do these less than stellar intellectual performers survive life in the cubical farm?
They fake it, and you can too.
That’s right, with proper training and guidance, you too can simulate sufficient levels of intelligence to begin your journey to the exciting quagmire of middle management.
This is where my good friend (cough, couch, where’s my check) Karl Wolfbrooks Ager can help. At his site Faking Smart you can learn the skills you need to appear capable, competent and promotion-worthy.
Simply soak up his sage advice and before you know it you’ll be looking and acting smarter than you even realize.
What are you waiting for, all the manifold joys of the burgeoning business bureaucracy await you.
Act now.
Faking Smart is proudly banned bannered at humor-blogs.com
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The previous is an unpaid promotion, based on my enjoyment of the Faking Smart blog.
But, if you are in the market to have some hyperbole-rich copy written for publication elsewhere, I would be happy to take your money.
Delighted, in fact.
21 replies on “How to Survive in Business”
As a bonnafide “cube jockey†I can certainly speak to this issue:
Some thoughts for survival:
If you want to survive keep your head down below the level of the cube wall. Upper management likes to look out across a field of generic squares. Poking your head above the geometric field disturbs them.
Projects are like hand grenades. You don’t want to be holding on to one of these when it blows up. There is a reason why your cube has no roof. Just toss your projects over the wall to the next poor slob. If your lucky it will explode there.
Use words like “Paradigm†whenever possible:
Example:
“Hey Ted, Can I borrow 20 cents for the snack machine?â€
You say:
“Sure, just remember you owe me a paradigm!â€
John O.
by the way,
The act of forking over 20 cents to your buddy is called a “paradigm shiftâ€
John O.
This is great for you business types, but for those of you in the military who are reading this, this will not work. Faking smart, sounding smart, being smart or just making a smart comment is frowned upon. Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of very smart people in the military, it’s just that no one wants to hear anything they have to say. The application of common sense often squashed out and thrown away before it can damage the status quo. (oops, a little bitter aren’t we? sorry…..)
Anyway, great site! Look out for those sneaky Paradigm borrowers. (cool mustache)
Hey, it’s just like Customer Service! It’s all about faking it.
John O., that was excellent! Hopefully the incredibly intelligent OC readers know the meaning of the word paradigm and how to pronounce it; otherwise the joke will be lost.
A part-time cube job would be perfect for Brent. The higher the cube walls the better. That way no one could see him typing up his next post, or article, or opinion piece or whatever.
Remember to start typing your posts on company letterhead that can be deleted later so if some nosy co-worker or boss were to break the cube barrier you just look like you are typing a formal letter to a vendor or client or whatever.
When your buddy won’t pay you back the 20 cents he bummed off you that’s known as:
“Paradigm Lagâ€
John O.
Thanks Debbie,
I assume all of Brent’s readers are the “high brow†types.
In case someone missed it:
It’s pronounced “pair-a-dimeâ€
John O.
Stop John O. you are making my tummy hurt! Brent may have to hire you afterall.
Another helpful tip:
Whenever possible find a way to be related to a member of senior management.
Apparently those wiz kids in HR have determined that greatness is apparently genetic.
So, whenever they can they promote those with “royal bloodâ€
Amazingly this quality seems also to apply to son-inlaws as well.
John O.
Nepotism. The best tool for success!
Unfortunately, I am the “Rich Relations†in my family.
It’s not really true, but my family thinks that i’m rich because my house doesn’t have wheels.
John O.
Ya gottcha a nerse plase her Johnny boya! Evrythin anchored down real nice like.
The next line is,
“you recken I can barra sum mony cuzin?”
John O. tells his cuzin, “How about a paradigm?”
and now the circle is complete…..:)
Cuzin says, “cool cuz, I could use some change.”
Maybe your cuzin (since he is related to you) really means “change” as in the paradigm shift notion and not shiny little coins. Hmmm…
maybe he is smarter then he looks…..
It’s confirmed, Brent, you are completely insane. Welcome aboard!
(This is certainly your best post so far…!)
John O, and Debbie,
As my cubicle warriors, I suspected that you two might have something to say about this topic. I like the way you worked puns, rednecks and possibly inbreeding into this normally predictable subject.
By the way John O, many of my readers are monobrow types, who laugh at literary pretention as well as spilled ice-cream.
It is a difficult stretch sometimes, but it’s the challenge that makes it worth it.
Thank you Karl,
I would like to credit the questionable state of my sanity to Doctor Harold Tobaggons, my analyst, whose brilliant psychological insight has made me the man I am today: unbalance, disturbed, giddy.
I’m sure he would have some personal insight into faking smart, but I try not to give him any excuse to speak.
His silence is better for my blood pressure.