Superhero Profile – The Implausible Spoonerine

Lackladdy G. Ferggusson was known by friends and acquaintances as a lifelong chronic underachiever, but after an inexplicable radioactive silverware accident gave him super-spooning ability, nothing really changed.

The Implausible Spoonerine 1 ~ the Ominous Comma

Prodded by his mother into hero work as a way of getting him out of the house, Spoonerine found his superpower niche battling semi-liquid villains like the Stenchifying Sludge and the Perfidious Pee-Soup.

Life was looking like an easy victory for Spoony until he met his match against the perplexing might of the Enjiggelating JelloTron, who proceeded to spank his superheroic hind-quarters like a kryponite ping-pong paddle. After that, Spoonerine went into a deep depression.

“Life was dark and suffocating for me,” Spoony later told reporters about that tragic time, “I might have never found my way out if my mom hadn’t pulled off the covers and kicked me out of bed. She put me back on the path of near responsibility.”

Spoonerine snapped back into action, ready to put a hurt on JelloTron only to discover that the villain had taken an early retirement in the Cayman Islands with his ill-gotten gains.

“You can’t really extradite people from there,” Spoonerine was quoted as saying, “the place is crawling with fired CEOs, unscrupulous lawyers, and vacationing politicians. They had an injunction waiting for me before I could get off the plane.”

The Implausible Spoonerine 2 ~ the Ominous Comma

Giving up on his former nemesis, Spoony turned to acting. He was offered a reality television show, Microwaving with the Almost Famous until a scandal broke over an ill-advised advertisement he had done for Tarnex fifteen years prior.

“I was really excited about that show, we had even licensed that song by Soundgarden for the theme. I really love that song. I hope I get to do another show just so I can use it.”

Spoonerine now spends his time fighting crime, doing accounting and waiting for a shot at one of the major superhero organizations like the Justice League or the Avengers.

Currently he serves as adjunct-sidekick for the farm league club the Bore-o-fying BenchBuddies.

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