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Commentary Fiction

Nightlife

I entered the establishment off a crowded thoroughfare. The place was dark, only the occasional splash of illumination painting the stark white walls. The scent of teenage aftershave mingled freely through the sparse crowd.

Music, blunt and pulsating, saturated the air like a rhythmic fog, filling every breath, every pore, with barometric waves of insistence…

Humor Noir - a first at the Comma

I entered the establishment off a crowded thoroughfare. The place was dark, only the occasional splash of illumination painting the stark white walls. The scent of teenage aftershave mingled freely through the sparse crowd.

Humor Noir - a first at the Comma

Music, blunt and pulsating, saturated the air like a rhythmic fog, filling every breath, every pore, with barometric waves of insistence.

Its beat was warm and relentless as it slowly worked its way down my spine, following the tangled trajectory of my nervous system.

Imperceptibly at first, I started to twitch and then to sway in an unsettling approximation of rhythm, every moment abandoning myself further to the sound’s harsh demands.

Soon I began to embrace my inner dancer, earnestly shaking what my mother had passed on to me. That’s when I heard it, the strident sound of reality calling from some distant area code.

“Dad! What are you doing?! This is a store. You’re supposed to buy things here.”

Chastened, yet still not free of the music’s hypnotic grasp I stumbled toward the exit, pausing to check a few price tags as a cover for my retreat. I had to squint to make out the numbers in the darkness, but eventually discerned their message. Sticker shock did more than any number of offended offspring to restore me from my senses and propel me to the safety of the waiting mall.

Later, despite the urging of my immediate family, my lawyers assured me that a formal apology would not be required. Nonetheless I have decided to issue the following statement:

“Owners, manager, and employees of Hollister, Inc, have no fear. No matter what the current economic uncertainty holds for you and your overpriced garments, if times get tough be assured that you can always fall back on the nightclub trade.”

-Happy Tuesday.

——

Humor-blogs.com will be happy to take you to the mall. Alltop.com will even buy you an Orange Julius.

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43 replies on “Nightlife”

Wow. Pretty film noir and art-deco-like up until the “Dad! What are you doing?” part. Nice atmospheric setup. Never been to Hollister Inc., though — aren’t they a medical supply company that provides products for those with colorectal disease?

Do you suppose that mortifying your offspring enough in one of these stores will dissuade them from wanting their stuff? I so need to do that at every retailer in my town.

This reminds me of one time as a teenager that a friend and I were at a club. Her mother was supposed to pick us up at an agreed time. We suddlenly bumped into her mom inside the club, dressed with a raincoat and a flashlight pointing at everyone!
“Mom, what are you doing here!”
“Well, I decided to come in an try to find you. I gues this party was kind of boring judging by all those kids sleeping on the couches, right?”.
“Whatever, let’s go!

I think they have dark stores with jammin’ music like this to put you in that “party mode” trance. You always spend waaaay more money than you should when you are out partying and having a good time!

You were lucky your kid was there to pull you back from the edge. :)

Nice version of the original sketch in “Not the 9 o’clock News”? where Rowan Atkinson wanders into a building with Black Sabbaths “Paranoid” blasting out. He is swinging his hips and looking around the dark swirly lit room when he is approached by a young woman. He nods at her and shouts, “I’d like to buy a pair of jeans please!”

Oh my GAAAAAWD!!! I laughed OUT LOUD over this one. Your dry humor is a RIOT! I loved your line:

“…I began to embrace my inner dancer, earnestly shaking what my mother had passed on to me.”

That has to be one of the BEST lines I’ve EVER heard. It is loaded with innuendoes. Aaah, you are something else that’s for sure.

EXCELLENT! EXCELLENT!! EXCELLENT!!

Thanks for participating in this week’s very special Memorial Day Edition of the Carnival of Family Life at Colloquium! Stop by and check out some of the other wonderful articles included in this edition!

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